Law of Attraction:Wanting More While Still Expressing Gratitude For What You Already Have

There is nothing wrong with wanting the most we can get out of life. It is okay to want money, we just want to avoid that pursuit becoming the end-all-be-all of our existence. It is okay to want nice things. It is okay to refuse to settle for mediocrity and just good enough. We deserve happiness and we have every right to pursue it. No one should ever make you feel guilty for your desire to live life to the fullest and go after every single thing you want in this world. But, in this pursuit of our ideal life, we can often lose sight of all the wonderful things we might already have.We put all our focus on the things we do not yet have. This is problematic in many ways. Namely, it decreases your happiness in the present moment and it also serves as a barrier to letting all these wonderful things you have set your sights on into your experience. If you want law of attraction to work for your benefit rather than your detriment, you will need to work on cultivating feelings of gratitude for what is already present in your life while still setting your sights on the bigger and better things.

What we attract into our lives is heavily influenced by our predominant energy we are putting out there. Our predominant energy is determined by the predominant thoughts and feelings we have. Consciously focusing on all the things we have to be grateful for creates good thoughts and feelings, which will create a good energy. An attitude of gratitude will make the law of attraction work in your favor. Feeling good about the things you already have is a necessary component to getting more in life. What we focus on expands and if we focus on all the good that is already present in our life, more good will come. If all we focus on in our life is what is missing, what we still lack, what is bad, guess what we will get more of in our experience?

This attitude of gratitude can be challenging for many reasons. First, we have been conditioned with some pretty negative thought patterns and our problems and the not-so-great aspect of our lives tend to have a very strong pull on us. There could be 99 great things going on in your life right now, but you will tend to give your attention to the one thing that is not great, that is not the way you want it. These feelings of aversion are so strong and we convince ourselves our lives are so terrible because we are missing this one thing in life, because this one thing is not the way we want it to be. We believe we must give our problems our full attention -- to act in any other way would be naive or unrealistic.

Secondly, expressing sincere gratitude can be difficult because we take for granted many of the things that we should have profound gratitude for. We take them as a given and we do not realize how great it is to have these things. Of course we would realize it if they were taken away the next day. I am talking about food to eat, having a place to live, your freedom, your health, friends, family. I remember about 2 1/2 years ago, I was having trouble breathing and I went to the hospital. It was nerve-racking waiting in the ER for hours, wondering what the tests would reveal. What if I ended up with some horrible chronic condition, what if I had a tumor? For the most part, I believed I was okay, but you never know. I knew there was something wrong and I was not accustomed to having health issues. I had a blood clot in my lung and I needed to be admitted right away and started on medication. Sitting in a hospital bed for several days, getting blood taken eight times a day, not being allowed to get out of bed and not being able to breathe normally was quite upsetting and a huge wake-up call. I was extremely upset and I could only imagine how I would have felt if I actually had some sort of serious condition that could not be completely cured. Even though my breathing has long since returned to normal, I still feel a sense of gratitude every time I take a deep breath. I am much more aware of how lucky I am to be healthy.

No matter what is happening right now, no matter how many things you can point to that seem to suck in your life at this very moment, you need to move your attention to the things to be grateful for, no matter how insignificant they may seem compared to your problems now. It is all a matter of perspective and you can choose to feel good even if your logical mind cannot see anything to feel good about right now. There is nothing wrong with wanting to change your circumstances or feeling dissatisfied with your current state of affairs, but to change them as quickly as possible, you need to shift your energy to a higher place and you will only accomplish that by seeing all the good in your life as it is right in this moment. I know this can be challenging and I lose sight of this sometimes just like anyone else. But in working with the principles of law of attraction, I have gained a greater awareness of how this idea works in our lives and I am getting better at remembering it in the moments I find myself going down a path that is counterproductive to getting what I want. The same will happen for you too.

Law of Attraction: Three Tips for Dealing with Fears, Blocks and Doubt

The concepts of law of attraction often counter what most of us believe about the nature of reality and why our lives are the way that they currently are, to name a few. I know that I have not always thought the way I think now and believed in the things I believe in now. I am far from totally rooting out my old programming but I have made some pretty significant strides and these concepts resonate with me strongly. They make sense and when I began to apply them in my life, my outside experience changed; this served as proof to me that there was something to all of this.

But, even as sure as I am, even though I have a pretty good understanding of all this stuff, I still have my moments, I still have blocks, I still submit to fearful thinking sometimes, I still lend too much credence to outside circumstances, I still let logic get in the way sometimes. I think this happens to a lot of us and it can be frustrating because we are fully aware we are creating our experience and we know this stuff is counterproductive and unnecessary, but we are still letting ourselves experience these things. I have found certain things really help me get back on track and I would like to share them with you.

Feed Your Mind with Law of Attraction Information

For most of us, our path to self-betterment likely started with exposing ourselves to new information, whether in the form of books, seminars, audio or what not. These new ideas inspired us, made us feel better, caused us to become more aware of our thoughts, beliefs, actions, habits and decisions. They made us take our lives in a new direction. In the moments you are feeling down and find yourself gravitating towards the these old ways of being, go back to these sources of change and inspiration. Give yourself a refresher. Take in the information that you know rings true for you, that resonated with you so strongly that it caused you to commit to changing your life. You know this stuff is the truth, but with our old ways of being so deeply ingrained, we still struggle and we need to keep reminding ourselves of these truths. The more we expose ourselves to the information, the more strongly it will take root.

Anything we are feeling at a given moment is due to our current perspective on the situation and it is always perspective. Putting your attention on empowering information will help you change to a more empowering perspective.

Try the Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping)

For any of you not familiar with EFT, I will give a short overview. This healing modality involves tapping on specific parts of the body while saying certain phrases. The basic idea is that tapping on these points helps release blocks, fears and other negative emotions related to the topic at hand. It sounds a bit strange and you may feel even stranger doing it, but since I have started doing tapping on a regular basis, I have found it has helped tremendously. You can find tons of free resources regarding the basic technique, tapping scripts for certain scenarios and actual tapping sessions led by practitioners on Youtube for a variety of issues. Some argue the results are some sort of placebo effect and perhaps that is true. But, the way I see it, if a technique’s success is due to nothing more than you believing it will work, if the end result is you feeling better, does it really matter?

Remind Yourself of Past Successes

No matter how many positive experiences we have had in the past with something, we usually tend to revert to our negative ways of thinking when faced with an unpleasant situation. How many times have you worried about something only to have it taken care of right in the nick of time? When faced with another worrying circumstance , what do you tend to do? Think of all the times when you saw worrying ended up being completely unnecessary or continue to put all your focus on the undesired outcomes and all the things you fear will happen? I think most of us are guilty of this second scenario, I know I am a lot of the time!

I have had a lot of success with the Law of Attraction – some manifestations have been pretty big, some have been of the smaller variety. But, like many people, there are times I still struggle, times when the ‘’me’’ I am trying to overcome rears her ugly head. I am still looking to manifest certain things in my life and I know my own blocks are the only thing keeping me from getting them. In these moments of doubt and fear, it is a good idea to draw your attention to your successes with these concepts. This will remind you that this stuff has worked in the past and that there is no reason that it will not work in the future. When you are feeling yucky about a current situation and doubting you will get what you want, strengthen your resolve by bringing your attention to all the times you saw LOA work for you in your life. This will make you feel better and renew your faith.

Law of Attraction: Focus on the ''What'' Not the ''How''

Our minds are a pretty amazing thing. They can be our biggest liberator or our greatest oppressor. It has been my experience that our thoughts and feelings play a massive role in creating our reality and no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. We all have our unique desires, things that we believe will make us happy. Unfortunately, those things often have not appeared in our life yet. In many instances, we do not even attempt to manifest them. We stop before we can even start because our logical minds cannot ‘’figure it out,’’ a compulsion that does not serve us well when it comes to creating the life we want for ourselves.

We view the things we desire most as something in the realm of fantasy; we conclude that they can never really be ours. We look at our current circumstances and we just cannot see how it would be possible to break free of them and move towards what we actually want. We have a very limited view of what life is supposed to be like and we settle for very little. We think we are just mean to be ordinary and we view people who have done extraordinary things as super humans, but they are just like us in many ways, they just think differently.

When it comes to really making significant changes in our lives and getting what we really want, there is one key rule that we must adopt, no exceptions. We need to focus on the ‘’what’’ and release the ‘’how.’’ The ‘’how’’ is something we cannot even begin to figure out logically. There are a million different ways we can manifest the things we want, there are a million different opportunities, a million different people or situations we can encounter; there is no way for us to conceive of all of them in this moment.

When I talk about this type of stuff, I am not just talking about awe-inspiring encounters that shake up your very foundation and how you look at the world, I am talking about seemingly non-spectacular events, like simply getting an urge to visit a particular website you never have before and it contains a piece of information that helps you reach your goal, or meeting a friend of a friend who happens to know of a job opening in the exact field you are looking for.

Letting go of the ‘’how’’ also unblocks your mind and allows ideas and solutions to flow to you. These epiphanies will often appear obvious and glaringly simple, and you will wonder how you did not think of it before; but when our minds are clogged with worry, fear and limited thinking, even the simplest solutions cannot get through. You will be inspired to do certain things and these inspired actions will open doors that you could not have even imagined. You will find that even though you are doing many of the things in the same way as you always have, you may be getting better results. For example, maybe you are a freelance writer and you seem to be getting a lot more jobs than you were previously.

Our heavy reliance on logical thought and the need to figure things out can make this extremely difficult, believe me I know! I still struggle with it, particularly in certain areas of my life. The good news is, you do not need to be in this zone 24/7 to make progress, though it will be to your benefit to tip the scales in favor of feeling good rather than feeling badly. Just get clear on your vision, what you want out of life, without judgment or censoring. As I have heard it said many times before, the ‘’how’’ is none of your business!

Changing When Everyone Around You Stays the Same

When you make significant changes and adopt a different belief system and way of looking at the world, it has the potential to create waves in all areas of your life. For all the positive benefits you reap, other things can occur that can be considered downsides, at least with the way we tend to perceive these events. Changing when everyone around you stays the same can be one of the most uncomfortable challenges we face.

When I say this, I am not talking about you becoming better than everyone around you and that there is something wrong with the other people in your life. What I am saying is that when you become a different person and everyone else continues being who they always have been, there is a strong possibility that at least some of your relationships will be affected. A relationship is about the dynamic between two people and when one person is no longer the person who has been in this relationship since it started, changes are bound to occur.

Generally speaking, us humans tend to get very attached to things, we dislike change and we avoid uncomfortable situations like the plague. We also tend to worry a bit too much about what others are thinking and saying about us. Combine all of this, and it can be very difficult to deal with the other people in our lives.

As we become the new version of ourselves, it may become very clear that certain relationships in our lives have run their course or that we need to drastically reduce our time with, or completely cut ties, with certain people. We may need to face uncomfortable truths that some relationships we thought were strong were built on very superficial things, and when you no longer do these things, you see there was not much of a relationship to begin with. Some of these people may be people you have known all your life or it may be the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with.

This is not to say that you should cut ties with anyone who is not like you or that you should only seek out relationships with people that are carbon copies of yourself. But, as you go along your path, it may become glaringly obvious that spending time with certain people may be holding you back or that they tend to bring out the worst in you, rather than the best. You will naturally want to reduce time with people who suck the energy out of you or leave nothing but drama in their wake. On the whole, they may be perfectly okay people, but they may have serious issues that you no longer have the desire or energy to deal with.

Change is the only thing we can count on in this existence, and this includes the people that come into and out of our lives. It can be a sad feeling to think you have grown apart from people you have always been close with and it can be scary and uncomfortable to actively end relationships, but it is all a part of the game. The changes you are making now will make room for other people, people who are more in sync with the new you. You will never be alone. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this type of stuff. Use your feelings as a guide. You may not like the answers they give you, but they will not steer you wrong. You will know what you need to do when it comes to the people in your life.

Law of Attraction: You Must Dismiss Outside Circumstances

While we always have a choice on how to view what is happening to us, there is no doubt that certain experiences naturally tend to evoke negative emotions while others make us feel better. It is natural to not want to have trouble paying the bills, not be in a bad relationship, not have conflicts with the people in our lives, not to be suddenly let go from your job. We are human and we are prone to worry, fear, doubt and anxiety. Our problems in our lives have a great pull on us emotionally and mentally, and preventing them from consuming us can be very difficult sometimes.

But, again, we always have that choice on where to put our attention. What we think and feel has a huge influence on the experiences we bring into our reality. Even when things look their bleakest, we can choose to focus on better-feeling thoughts that focus on our desired outcomes, what we want to be happening, rather than what we do not. This type of statement can anger people since they feel entitled to their negative emotions; they look at their outside circumstances and they think there is no other way to feel – look what is going on here? You expect me not to feel badly? Again, we are human and it is understandable why we experience these feelings. But, again, we have a choice. Worrying about something and feeling like crap about it is not going to change anything. We think we must put our focus on these things, but we do not have to.

If the concept of the law of attraction resonates with you and you really want to make it work in your life, you must take a different view of the current circumstances you are experiencing. If your feelings and thoughts are aligned with your current negative reality, it will perpetuate much longer than it needs to. It may even get worse. It will clog up your mind, which will block inspiration and intuitive nudges to do things that will help get you where you want to be. It will block people and opportunities from appearing in your life seemingly by magic.

For the most part, the situation you find yourself in now was influenced by the beliefs, thoughts and feelings you held up until that point. They were likely limiting, disempowering and on the pessimistic side, and your experience lined up accordingly. Change them to better thoughts, feelings and beliefs, and your life will change. Things happen from the inside out.

What is happening in your life now is in no way an indication of what your future will be like. Being broke now does not mean you will always be. Being in a bad relationship now does not mean that is the only kind you will ever have. What is happening now, no matter how bad, does not mean things will stay that way. You need to direct your mental energy and your emotions towards what you want, towards your ideal circumstances rather than towards the crappy ones you find yourself in now. Obviously, if there is anything you can do to help your current situation, do it, do not just stick your head in the sand. But, the most important thing you can do is work on feeling better and drawing your attention from what is happening outside of you because it means absolutely nothing in terms of what type of life you have the ability to create from this point forward.

For most of us, this way of thinking and being is a huge departure from our normal mode and you will have a lot of resistance to it. You will still get caught up in outside appearances. You will still feel badly sometimes. That is okay, it happens to all of us. Forgive yourself in those moments but try to get back on track as soon as you can.

Law of Attraction and Affirmations

When you think of affirmations, you might think of that character Stuart Smalley from Saturday Night Live, talking into the mirror: ‘’I am good enough, I am smart enough and gosh darnit, people like me.’’ I am a huge fan of affirmations but many may find resistance to them because you may feel silly doing them. We tend to mock personal development tools like that.

If you are interested in using law of attraction for your benefit and changing negative thought patterns, I find them to be a highly effective tool. If you want to attract better circumstances into your life, you need to believe you can, you need to dispel the limiting beliefs that have blocked these things thus far. Cultivating this level of belief and really making headway on rooting out the detrimental stuff can be challenging. After all, you have been carrying around this stuff for a really long time.

We really only effect significant change in our lives when we repeatedly expose ourselves to the information that implants more empowering ideas and the repetition of actions that help the information take root. Affirmations are a great way to go about making this change.

Many find affirmations do not work for them and I suspect it is because they are not using them in the most effective manner. When you really work on changing your belief system and patterns of thinking, you are going to experience a lot of conflict with your conscious mind and ego, who will be screaming at you that this stuff is impossible and for you to look at your outside circumstances. You also have a lot of stuff going on in your subconscious mind, which essentially rules your life and for most of us, what is residing down there causes us a lot of problems. So, with all of this on your plate, you need to approach the affirmations in a certain manner for them to actually work for you.

Anything is possible for us, regardless of what is happening now or has happened in the past and there is no reason to settle for anything less than exactly what you want. You have read about law of attraction and the power of our thoughts, feelings, expectations and intentions and it resonates. You believe this stuff to be true. Great. But, for many of us, this knowing does not fully permeate for awhile. Our old ways of thinking are still strong, our ego is holding on for dear life, we are still judging according to outside appearances. This all has the potential to create great conflict.

For affirmations to work best, you need to reduce this conflict as much as possible or your effort will be for naught. For example, if you are on the brink of financial ruin and cannot even pay your bills, chanting over and over again that you are a millionaire will probably not do much good because even though it is totally possible for you to become a millionaire, it is highly unlikely your mind is accepting this as a potential reality at this moment. Your energy is nowhere near what it needs to be for this type of financial success. And that is okay. If you are currently only making 3,000 dollars a month, telling yourself you can make 50 is likely not going to resonate with you. But, if you can truly feel these grander aspirations, then by all means, go for it. The attracting process is more than just what you are thinking ,it is what your predominant feeling is. You must be able to feel what you are saying is true.

I use money as an example here because I find this is one of the most common things people try to attract into their lives and the thing we probably struggle most with. One of the biggest reasons is probably because we have a lot of weird energy around money and our outside circumstances have a strong pull on that we cannot quite ignore as well as we should. We have been in our current financial situation so long, our rational, logical minds have a very hard time seeing how it could change.

To avoid these conflicts, try affirmations that are more believable to you from your current standpoint. This is not to say you should be ‘’realistic’’ or settle for less, but the sooner you start vibing with thoughts that actually feel good to you from where you are right now, the sooner you will manifest things. This will give you the confidence to aim for the bigger stuff. For example, instead of getting super specific, try more general statements that do not create as much of a conflict. Using money again as an example, you might try something like ‘’My finances are improving every day.’’ or ‘’The Universe brings me opportunities to make more money.’’

When it comes to affirmations, I find all different manners work -- written, spoken and just saying them in my head. I like to say them to myself when I am going to sleep at night or when I find my mind going down a path I know is counterproductive to what I want. It helps bring me back on track. Attracting better circumstances into your life requires a better way of thinking, no two ways about it. Affirmations are one of the many tools available to facilitate this and using them in the proper way can do wonders.

Law of Attraction: You Gotta Have Faith

For the most part, our culture places a high premium on rational, logical thinking. We value science and its ability to test and prove things. I am not knocking any of this stuff as it surely has its place in this world. Humanity as a whole has benefitted greatly from scientific thoughts and processes and rational, logical thinking is definitely the way to go in certain situations.

With that being said, however, heavy reliance on this type of thinking and only willing to accept concepts that can be proven can prove quite a hindrance when it comes to living your best life in the exact manner you wish. Just because we cannot ‘’prove’’ something exists in a scientific spin-something-in-a-test-tube, run a clinical trial-type way, does not mean something does not exist. Just because something cannot be ascertained with a logical and rational mode of thinking, does not mean it is not possible.

The concept of the law of attraction receives a huge amount of resistance for these very reasons – people say we cannot prove it and that it does not make sense on a rational, logical level. Yes, these two things are basically true, but again, this does not mean that these concepts cannot exist. Also, I would argue that experience serves as proof, but obviously not the kind of proof that we associate with science-type stuff.

If you want to live the life of your dreams, you have to have faith, no two ways about it. You need to learn to trust. You need to give up the desire to have everything make sense logically. You have to be okay with believing in something that cannot be ‘’proved’’ in the traditional manner, at least not yet anyway. This makes many people uncomfortable and understandably so as we have been conditioned to reject this kind of thinking. We are taught to believe it when we see it, but from my experience, you will see it when you believe it.

If you are even the slightest bit open to the ideas that your thoughts, feelings, intentions and expectations play a role in your reality, I urge you to give this stuff a try. You may have to work really hard to suspend your normal way of thinking and processing information. You need to understand that you cannot possibly figure out the million ways the things you want can come to you and that if you try to figure it all out logically, you will surely fail because you will not be able to figure it out and you will conclude it is not possible and create an energy that will repel the things you want. You need to give up the burning desire we have for things to make sense in the way we typically define ‘’making sense.’’ To me, this stuff makes perfect sense, but through the filter of rational, logical thinking, it surely does not.

If you really want to make significant changes in your life, faith is a necessary component. You will not get very far without it. There is a lot of crappy programming that is responsible for your undesirable circumstances you find yourself in now and unless you are willing to concede that there is something larger than yourself out there that connects all of us, an energy that we can draw on to influence our life, you will never be able to overcome all the limiting beliefs that put you where you are today.

Law of attraction and faith go hand in hand. Be willing to believe in something good. Be willing to believe that you can get the things that you want, some way, somehow. Just focus on the ‘’what’’ and leave the ‘’how’’ to the Universe or whatever you like to call that all-powerful force.

If Your Beliefs No Longer Serve You, Get New Ones!

Beliefs are an interesting thing. They are far from being fact, but we believe in the things we believe so strongly, we often see them like that. But, they are not – facts cannot be changed but beliefs can. It is hard to see this sometimes because we can point to a million experiences in our lives that serve as ‘’proof’’ that what we believe and the way we see the world is in fact correct. But, I ask you to entertain the idea that the beliefs you held are what caused the outside events in your life and that if you started to believe different things, your outside experience would change to reflect these new ideas.

For many of us, the beliefs we hold are disempowering. They hold us back from living the life we truly want, they cause us to abdicate responsibility for our own lives to forces outside of ourselves, they limit our thinking about what is possible in this life, about the power we have to change ourselves for the better.

There is no one set of beliefs that is better to have than another. If people believe certain things and that works for them, great, proceed. But, I find that many people find a dissonance between what they want out of life and what type of person they want to be and the beliefs they hold about these types of things. This is where the problems start. Why does this dissonance happen? Because for most of us, the beliefs we hold are things that outside forces, like our parents and society at large, drilled into us over and over and over again. In most cases, what people believe is not based on any sort of deep thought or questioning, they were just told things and they accepted them. That uncomfortable feeling arises because these beliefs do not resonate with you, something does not feel right.

You may not want to have children, but you feel conflicted because even though every fiber in your being is telling you that you should not have kids, you have been taught to believe that is the ultimate fulfillment in life and that if you are a woman, that is just what you are meant to do. You may want to take on some sort of job that does not have steady, guaranteed income, but you were taught to believe that security is the most important thing in life and that you should find a steady job that delivers a paycheck every two weeks. You are in a horrible marriage and leaving it would be the best thing for you, but your religion has told you it is a sin to get a divorce. You want to cut ties with certain members of your family because they are horrible people who are toxic influences in your life, but you are taught to believe nothing is more important than family.

If the beliefs you hold are creating conflict within you, adopt new ones. It really is that simple, the hard part is rooting out the old you and the old way of thinking that has let arbitrary declarations rule your life up until this point. Remember, beliefs are not facts, they are just things you kept telling yourself or other people kept telling you over and over again. Your reality is not a reflection of some set in stone rules about what life is like, it is a reflection of the beliefs you have held up until this point and nothing more. If the beliefs in your life now are no longer serving you or no longer resonate with who you want to be and the type of life you want to live, adopt beliefs that reflect these things and empower you to find greater happiness, which is a very personal thing.

No One Knows You Better Than You Know Yourself

Often times, we pay way too much mind to other people’s thoughts, opinions and beliefs when it comes to making decisions about our own life. It is understandable why this happens. It is only human to have doubts about our beliefs and choices. We take in a lot of information throughout our lives that outlines what our lives are ‘’supposed’’ to be like and what we ‘’should’’ want. Though these ideas are often quite arbitrary and are the results of someone else’s thinking, they can have quite a grip on us. We often see things in terms of right or wrong when that is not what is going on at all. We think if we are not following the standard life script, we are off in some way, that we are denying the inevitable and we should just submit already.

Often times we seek out the opinions and suggestions of others for guidance. Now, I will not make a blanket statement saying that you should never, ever do this because there are times when this may actually be beneficial. What I will say with confidence, however, is that a majority of the time, it is not going to be and you should refrain from doing this. There are no set guidelines but you will know what a certain situation calls for. If you see someone already living the life you want, by all means, talk to them. If you are thinking about doing something totally unconventional or bold, seeking guidance from your play-it-safe parents who value security over anything else ,and who want nothing more than to see you with a mortgage, spouse and a couple of kids is probably a bad idea

Most people operate with a framework of very limited thinking and they expect little out of life. If you bounce an idea off of them, they will likely go to all the reasons why it will not work, why you cannot do it. I think most of the time they mean well, but regardless of the intention, the end result of discouraging you and making your doubt yourself is the same. You will begin to question yourself and you will wonder if they are right and you are wrong. You will think they know better.

No one knows you better than yourself and if you are constantly looking for outside input about your life, it will likely keep you off the path you really want to be on. We all operate with our own filters and they are very unique to us and often times, these filters will not match up with yours.

You want what you want for a reason, because it fulfills something within you. Our wants and desires are unique and just because other people would never do what you would do or have no desire for the things you desire does not mean that you should not want those things either. Really think about what you want out of your life and block out the criticisms and judgments you receive from other people. No one knows better than you what you want out of life and if you feel good doing the things you are doing, that is all that matters. If you can only move forward after getting the seal of approval from someone else, you are going to end up living someone else’s life.

You Cannot Change People’s Perceptions of You, Only Your Reaction

Many people have very rigid, limited opinions about the ‘’right’’ way to live, what we should want out of life, what we are ‘’supposed’’ to be like and most are very happy to share these thoughts any chance they get. People who differ from these molds are often the target of gossip, judgment and criticism. Assumptions abound about what type of person they are and why they do the things they do and most times, these assumptions are less than flattering.

People are always going to have their opinions, which are informed by a variety of factors. They will be rigid and it is unlikely they will change. They have very fixed ideas about how things are supposed to be. Ideally, people should not assume or they should not judge and just accept people are different and they want different things out of life and have different beliefs. But, this is not how it goes. Talking about others is very second nature and most people cannot resist the urge to weigh in.

When you are on the receiving end of all of this, it can be frustrating and hurtful. Most of us are not so confident that we have absolutely zero emotional reaction to the harsh words and judgments of others. It can be infuriating to know people are making all sorts of untrue assumptions about you.

Often times, we feel the urge to defend ourselves, to try and explain and justify our choices and beliefs. We make it our personal mission to demonstrate how we defy the assumptions associated with our particular life choices or ways of being. We feel we need to make other people understand where we are coming from so they will see us in a better light.

Of the many things I have learned over the years, one of the most important is letting go of the need to do these things. No matter what you do, it is unlikely people will change their opinions or their beliefs, things that are deeply ingrained in them. Everyone is operating with their own filter and their minds are not easily changed. They will just always think certain things to be true, no matter what.

Since we cannot change other people’s perception of us, the only thing we can change is how we react to it. We need to take responsibility for our feelings. Any reaction we have to what others say about us is stemming from within and we need to examine what is going on there and make peace with any inner conflicts we have going on. No one can ever make us feel a certain way. People making assumptions, judging, gossiping and what not are activities that are not going anywhere anytime soon, and the only thing we can do to bring greater peace to our lives is to undergo the sometimes uncomfortable process of examining why these things bother us. Is it because we believe what they are saying may be true? Is it because we have serious doubts about our choices? Admitting these things exist is not some chink in your armor, they are normal reactions we all experience. Facing them will do you a world of good.

If we find ourselves in a situation where we are feeling the urge to defend, justify, dispel an assumption, we have a choice in that moment. We can choose to just keep our mouth shut. No matter who you are or what you are doing with your life, there is probably at least one person taking issue with it in some way, passing judgment on you. Being human, yeah, it will probably bother you sometimes, but your skin will grow thicker over time. That pesky thing called an ego often gets in the way! Learning to accept it and not making it your personal mission to gain acceptance or try to educate people and make them see the light will ease a lot of stress in your life and save precious mental energy.

What Other People Say and Do Is All About Them and How You React Is All About You

There are lots of different elements informing the beliefs, opinions, judgment and criticisms people render about others. Some biggies include religion, cultural norms, what our parents drilled into us and our own life experiences. When we observe something or hear something, the experience goes through all of these filters and out the other end comes an opinion of some sort.

Ultimately, what other people say about us or our lives has absolutely nothing to do with us. Fully realizing this is one of the most empowering things we can realize and a necessary ingredient in living our lives as we truly want. But, sometimes it is hard to realize this. We take things personally because people are directly criticizing or judging our choices, our life, our way of being; they are saying these things to us or in many cases, to someone else behind our back. Being human, we are prone to insecurities about certain elements of ourselves and doubts about our choices and beliefs, even ones that we have given much thought to before adopting. It can sting sometimes. While it should not matter, sometimes it does. We know we should not rely on others to validate our choices, but hey, it feels nice, right? I think we all enjoy that boost once in awhile.

We can get upset and it can make us doubt ourselves and question whether we are the ones that are in the wrong. But, if you can remember this unbelievably important nugget of wisdom, you will be able to weather these moments much more easily, they will not get to you as much. You will realize other people’s comments have absolutely nothing to do with you and are all about the other person and what they say will not carry the weight it often does for many people when faced with this opposition.

So, what other people say and do to us is all about THEM, but, how we react is all about US. Often times, we blame other people for making us feel a certain way. They said or did something mean, annoying, frustrating or what not and we get upset. It is all their fault. Not really. Granted, had they not done or said this particular thing, you would not feel this way. But, their actions or words did not cause anything, they simply triggered something that is already within you. Your reaction has nothing to do with them, it is all about you, no matter what transpired. If you and the Dalai Lama both encountered the biggest d-bag on earth, I imagine you would likely have two very different reactions, at least internally. You would want to punch him in the face while His Holiness would probably feel nothing but compassion and love.

Our habitual reactions and tendency to operate on autopilot often prevent us from examining how we react to other people. We have conditioned responses that we feel are justified or normal for the situation and we do not question them. The reactions are certainly understandable, but they are not necessary or required, there is always a choice. Taking the time to examine why we react the way we do when faced with situations that tend to evoke negative emotions can uncover a gold mine of information about ourselves and help us make tremendous strides in gaining more peace in our lives.

Far too often, we give other people way too much power in dictating how we feel not only on a moment-to-moment basis, but overall about ourselves and our lives in general. Taking responsibility for our feelings and realizing that other people’s criticisms and judgments are just reflections of their own internal issues puts the ball back in our court. It helps us live an authentic life true to ourselves and prevents so much unnecessary stress we heap on ourselves in our dealings with others.