When the Universe Forces Our Hand

Going after what we want or making necessary changes in our lives is sometimes difficult. It may be due to fear, laziness, doubt, being too comfortable in our current circumstances or myriad other things. We know we want something different, we know we need to make certain changes, but we are holding off. We may keep telling ourselves we will do it. We may research, we may plan, think of the different ways we will achieve these things. The fact that we are planning to make the changes or eventually move into a course of action to get something we want placates us. We feel like we are doing something good and we stay in that stage.

It takes courage to forge ahead and place ourselves in uncomfortable situations and sometimes, we have a hard time entering into these things willingly. This explains why so many of us are still not doing the things we want or becoming the people we know we can be. We keep putting things off until some vague point in the future.

In some instances, the universe forces our hand. We end up in a crappy circumstance, but ultimately it forces us to do the things that are best for us. It is hard to see it at the time because everything seems to suck pretty badly. But, ultimately, these not so great times are the ones that lead to the greatest times. We no longer can hide behind certain excuses. It is sink or swim. Losing your comfortable secure job that you actually cannot stand is the perfect catalyst for giving serious thought to entering the career you actually want but were too afraid to go after. Finding yourself in dire financial straits is a great way to really start developing faith that you can attract better financial circumstances because, let’s face it, the alternative mode of thought is depressing and terrifying. In these instances, you are more likely to devote the mental effort compared to when you had your steady paycheck, even if the earnings were less than ideal.

When everything seems to be tumbling down around you, it can be scary for sure. But, it can also be an exciting time if you choose to see it that way. You can build a new life, a new you. It may not be the most ideal way to improve things, but for many of us, it is often what it takes to implement real change in our lives. No matter what is happening now, good can come out of it if you use the opportunity to your advantage. Examine these situations to see how it could lend itself to helping create something positive.


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To Release Something, You Have to Own It First

We all have thoughts and feeling that do not serve us well in one way or another, though it is always possible to transform them in a way that works to our benefit rather than our detriment. Sometimes we are quite aware of these thoughts and feelings and their negative impact on us. Many times, however, we fail to realize how deeply they affect how our life unfolds and the experiences we attract into it.

We know they are there lurking, but we avoid really paying them mind when they arise and we find a way to distract ourselves. We obsess about trying to think positive thoughts and trying to adopt positive beliefs, hoping that the other garbage will just go away – in theory, totally possible, but the theory requires you to be able to completely wipe out limiting thoughts and beliefs in an instant, something that most of us have a hard time doing. While focusing on the negative is usually discouraged, sometimes that is where we need to start to truly begin living a life filled with more positive experiences.

We want one thing, but our beliefs and thoughts completely contradict this vision and the changes we desperately want have yet to take hold. Let’s take money for example . We yearn for more money to give us greater freedom, but we hold so many conflicting thoughts that will keep it out of our reach, such as poverty is virtuous, money is the root of all evil, to gain means someone else has to lose – the list could go on and on. We have negative feelings towards rich people and we get great pleasure seeing them falter in some way, whether this misfortune affects their bank account or some other aspect of their lives. We look at our outside circumstances that have always included a lack of money so we can never get into that vibration of feeling like we have money, it just seems impossible. Money is a very complicated thing – it surely cannot make us happy, but it can do a lot of good.

Before you can let money or anything else into your life, you need to face up to any negative thoughts and beliefs you have about said thing or your ability to get it. Yes, I know you need to think good things and feel good thoughts, but if you keep sweeping the negative under the carpet instead of owning it is there and vowing to transform it, what you want will always be out of your reach. You will get frustrated that this whole attraction process does not work and you will give up.

If there is any area of your life right now that is lacking in any way, it is imperative that you examine your beliefs and thoughts in this area, because there is something within you that is contributing to it. There are thoughts and beliefs that are keeping you here instead of moving you forward to where you want to be. What are they? Why do you think them to be true? What could you believe instead that would be more empowering and lead you to getting what you want? Facing that stuff can be uncomfortable in more ways that one, but embracing is necessary to let it go.

Taking an honest look at what we think and believe and how we came to hold these things is a great first step in transforming them into their positive counterparts and making that your new reality. Often times, when we are trying to improve ourselves or our lives, we feel guilty for still having negative thoughts and beliefs, but it is nothing to feel guilty about. If they are still there, you need to own they are there and know that they are simply things you just told yourself over and over again, they are not cold, hard, unchangeable facts. This will reduce their grip on you and allow more empowering beliefs to take root and grow. The other stuff may pull at you sometimes, but it will lose its power. You will see these limiting beliefs and thoughts as fleeting and temporary, just a bad moment, rather than any hard declarations of truth.


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Stop Playing the Comparison Game (On Facebook and Everywhere Else!)

A study I just read talked about how Facebook depressed a lot of people because they seemed to believe that most of the people on there are happier than them. Have you ever experienced something like this when poring through this site? It is a perfect example of how much we tend to compare ourselves to other people and how we do have a tendency to think most people are better off than us. The existence of mediums like this tends to magnify the issue because we now have the ability to compare ourselves to a ridiculous number of people, many of whom we know very little about or may have never even met in person, at lightening speed.

Facebook is popular for many reasons and one of the biggies is it allows people to craft a desired image of themselves through their status updates, about me’s, photos and what not. Sometimes all of this might reflect exactly who they are and they really are happy people who love their lives; other times, it may be complete BS or exaggerated to some degree. It would be great if there was some way to tell, but I guess there really is not. The important thing is to keep this idea in mind if you find yourself thinking everyone in the world must be happier than you.

You see the family photos and it makes you yearn for the spouse and child you do not yet have. Because of the high value you place on these things, you automatically assume that anyone who has acquired them must be happy, happier than you. These are just pictures of precise moments in time, they do not give any inkling into what these people’s lives are like or how they feel. Maybe that mother is ridiculously happy about having a kid or maybe she is suffering from severe post-partum depression or secretly regrets ever having children. Same goes for the person who has 100 pictures of her and her boyfriend seemingly ridiculously in love – maybe they are or maybe that woman secretly yearns for someone else she could never have or their relationship is actually on the brink of collapse. People who constantly send updates about how awesome their life is may make you jealous, but chances are, if they feel the need to always advertise this stuff, maybe their life is not going so great , they are harboring major insecurities about themselves or have some other issue.

Whether people’s happiness with their life is genuine or not, it is not something you need to feel badly about. Some people may in fact have things you want or be living in a way that you envy, but it does not have to get you down. Know why? Because you can create whatever type of life you want for yourself. Your jealous tendencies are indicative of what you want in your own life and it is likely you can have many of these things too. If you are five feet tall and you are jealous of your friend with the supermodel body, that is another story and you just have to make peace with what you got. But, most of the things that evoke envy are things like good jobs, relationships, money, certain personality traits – things that are possible for you to have too, if you believe you can. Stop comparing yourself to other people and put your focus on your happiness and what you can do to create it. There is enough happiness to go around, you just need to claim your piece.


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Only YOU Are Responsible For Your Feelings

Once I started making a regular habit of examining and questioning my thoughts, feelings and actions, I made a lot of profound discoveries; things that seem very simple on the surface, but that we really do not fully grasp. Things we may know on a conscious level but really do not give much thought to.

One of the most powerful realizations is that no one is responsible for my feelings except myself. No matter what people say to me, no matter what they do, how I react is all about me. No matter how justified a negative reaction may be, choosing to react in that way is my choice, not the fault of the person doing the offending, insulting, annoying, criticizing, etc… I do not have to get angry, frustrated or offended. This does not mean I never do, but instead of blaming the person or situation that caused it, I own that it is all about me. This usually helps dissipate the emotions in those moments where I fail to prevent them from popping up in the first place.

How we react to other people is largely a matter of habit. We think that certain actions require certain reactions and we act accordingly; we do not give it a moment’s thought. If someone cuts you off in traffic on your way to work, it is not a law that you need to flip out and stew about the incident for half the morning. If your mother goes into her usual routine criticizing some aspect of your life or giving unwanted advice, you are not required to revert to a temperamental teenager, screaming at her to leave you alone and mind her own business.

If someone criticizes your behavior, lifestyle, beliefs and the like, how you react has nothing to do with the people dishing it out, regardless of how much of a d-bag they might be at the moment. The need to defend yourself or criticize right back is usually our natural inclination, but we must realize that the feelings evoked by the statement or action came from within. The negative reaction is not the fault of the other person. Depending on the situation, it may stem from insecurity , a truth you cannot fully admit to, or knowing that in this situation, maybe you are wrong.

I have chosen not to have children and what I have observed from some in this community really fits into what I am talking about here. Many negative stereotypes exist about people like myself, many report they face problems in their daily life because of this choice. This has made some in this circle quite defensive and they identify very heavily with this aspect of their identity. They invest a lot of time and energy into defending their decision; I see a lot of anger and frustration. This behavior is understandable, no one likes feeling criticized and unfairly stereotyped and judged. They explain that this is why they spend so much time discussing these matters, trying to disprove stereotypes, why they criticize parents and family life, and why they try to pump up the childfree lifestyle and its benefits.

Sure, people say things to them that they should not, make unfair judgments , make rude comments, ask wildly inappropriate questions and say things that are just plain mean sometimes. But, this does not mean that we have to be offended , that we have to defend our choice because people are always questioning it, that we have to feel angry because people just do not seem to get it. Any negative emotions that we feel about all of this is all about us. It is always about us, not about anyone else. Doing all of this is stemming from something within these people, not the way other people think or act towards them, no matter how wrong it may be. For any childfree people out there reading this, you know I am on your side and I hope that if anything I said here struck a nerve, you will explore it rather than dismiss what I have said here as BS. I want people to feel good about their choice and not feel they have to expend so much energy on defending it and creating an us- against- them mentality with parents.

If we can fully embrace that we are the only people responsible for our feelings, we give ourselves tremendous power in enhancing our well-being. Exploring our reactions to how others speak to us and treat us will uncover a goldmine of insight. We spend too much of our lives letting other people dictate how we feel and this leads us to feeling badly more than we should. It is always about us, never about the other people.



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Are You Just Ingesting Personal Development Info or Actually Developing?

When it comes to improving ourselves, one of the most important things is gathering information. It is the information after all, that exposes us to new ideas that shift our thinking and give us tools and suggestions on how to go about making positive changes and improving our lives. There are lots of different topics that fall under the realm of personal development and lots of different people disseminating the information. They each have their own style, angle, personality and way of presenting their take on the subject at hand. The amount of information combined with the amount of people presenting it makes for a whole lot of stuff to pick and choose from and we can end up taking in a whole lot. This in and of itself is really not a problem; can we ever learn too much? Probably not.

Acquiring this type of information is a big part of the journey, but for some of us, it can become the primary component. We expose ourselves to lots of great stuff, but we sometimes refrain from applying it, using the tips and techniques suggested to us, doing the necessary questioning and any of the other work that will actually make us change. While devoting ourselves to acquiring this information is certainly a good use of our time, I think we sometimes do this in place of actually using what we have learned. We know we should be doing more work on ourselves, but as long as we are still spending our time reading personal development materials, we are still doing something good so we continue to put off the real work without making ourselves feel too badly.

I know I have been guilty of this in the past and I catch myself doing it sometimes currently. I think on a subconscious level we are hoping that just absorbing the information will somehow magically change us without any effort on our part. I think the work can be uncomfortable sometimes and we resist it for one reason or another. If any of this resonates with you, please share your thoughts in the comments section. Thanks for reading!

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Why Does Trying to Be Happy Make Me So Unhappy Sometimes?

When we decide to change our lives and increase our happiness, it is quite exciting. We all want to feel good as much as we can and devoting ourselves to this cause is quite worthy. We know there may be hard times, but we also know that the road will bring lots of good stuff too. Once we really get into the thick of this whole personal development thing, we may find ourselves feeling pretty unhappy a lot of the time. What the heck is that all about? Sometimes we may feel so unhappy, we may want to just quit. Though we want a better life, we sometimes wonder if all the crap we have to go through is worth it. We think maybe we should just settle for good enough and avoid having to go through all of this.

Truly living our lives as we desire and truly changing our thoughts, beliefs, habits and behaviors in a way that serves us better can be quite challenging. If we look at the number of truly successful, happy people in this world living totally true to themselves, it is small. Most of us did not grow up around these types of people and all the issues we have clearly reflect this. Most of us grew up around mediocrity, negativity, crappy beliefs and other insidious influences.

That stuff runs deep and the road to true transformation involves purging ourselves of all of it. We need to take a cold, hard look at our lives, our choices. We need to face our fears and our shortcomings. We need to make uncomfortable choices. We need to deal with the criticisms and judgments of others. We have to deal with the doubts and fears that come with trying to get the things we really want. We need to deal with the sometimes overwhelming anxiety, fear and frustration that comes with going off in new directions, being uncertain what the future holds and unwanted delays and setbacks.

The new you that you wish to create will constantly be coming up against the old you, your blocks, your limiting beliefs and the farther you get on your journey, the more these things will continue to come to the surface. Some days you will feel great and some days you will feel like crap, then you feel guilty for feeling like crap because you just want to be this perfect person who is happy and peaceful all the time. Perfection is not the goal but we so desperately want it and not being able to have it frustrates us. You can no doubt make amazing strides and become someone you never dreamed possible, but let go of the need for perfection. It will make the journey so much easier.

It is all of this stuff that scares people off the path or that leads people to give up. Having experienced some of the things I have and will continue to experience, I get it. But, it all comes with the territory and if you can find the courage to weather all of this stuff and just sit with the junk in the moment it arises and realize it is only temporary, you will get through it. On the other side of these unpleasant experiences is increased clarity and increased growth. It helps move you closer to the things you really want and the person you hope to become.

How do you deal with these moments? Please let me know in the comment section!

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Is it Can't or Won't?

Most of the time, there is at least one way to improve a situation that we are less than thrilled about, if not all of the time. All too often, we hear people saying they can’t do this or that followed by an excuse as to why this is the case. To me can’t means it is not at all possible – we can’t be in two places at once, we can’t fly, we can’t change our skin color.

In many instances, when we are using the word can’t, we really mean we won’t. It is totally possible to do the things we say we can’t do, but we opt not to because it may be difficult, it may involve making significant change, it may mean making an uncomfortable choice, it may mean a bit of sacrifice, it may mean facing criticism from others. On some level, I think we are aware of this, but we do a good job of rationalizing and convincing ourselves that it is not possible to make the change. Then we get to go back to how things are, even if we really do not like it because existing that way is easier, even if it is less pleasant. We free ourselves from taking complete responsibility for our lives, which is one of the best, yet hardest things to do.

If there is anything you want to do right now or want to have, but say you can’t, I ask you to really examine the situation. Is it truly impossible or does making it come to fruition simply involve doing things that you really would rather not do or that you believe you are incapable of doing? Facing these questions honestly is a great first step in making positive changes in your life because it will help you realize that it is possible to do and have the things you want, you just need to make the commitment to getting them. You need to make these things a priority and be willing to make some changes in your life, uncomfortable as they may be. But, if it means getting what you want, it is a task worth undertaking. And hey, if you decide that you can do these things but your choose not to for whatever reason, that is fine too, but you must own this choice and stop complaining about your life because you are choosing to keep living it that way!

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If You Cannot Feel Good, Just Try to Feel Better

It has been my experience that how I think and feel greatly influences what happens to me in the outside world. A lot has been said about Law of Attraction over the last few years and I have to say that it makes sense to me. This blog post was inspired by an article I read recently by the amazing LOA coach Melody Fletcher on her site . I agree wholeheartedly with what she said and I realized I never broached the subject on my own blog. An issue that I feel is often overlooked in the attraction process, something that is misunderstood -- something I still struggle with and I am sure it is the same for many people exploring this idea.

One of the main cruxes of this whole attraction thing is how we feel and we are told that we need to feel good, we need to feel as if what we want is already ours. We are told that we have limitless possibilities and that we can create whatever life we want for ourselves, regardless of our current circumstances. If we can feel it and believe it, it is ours. I wholeheartedly agree with this sentiment and if you have ever explored what the most successful people have revealed about their own thought processes, you will see they share this view.

I am using money as an example because I think this is one of the things people want to attract most and presents the greatest struggle . In theory, if your life is falling apart around you and you are broke, you can totally do a dramatic shift and start adopting a level of feeling that you can be a millionaire without a care in the world. In reality though, most of us probably cannot do that based on our past faulty programming, poor self-image and lack of faith in a set of principles that most people deem nonsense. If we were capable of raising our vibration that high so quickly, we would probably not be having any of the problems we are having in the first place. Because you can create whatever life you desire, some advocates of law of attraction will tell you to visualize yourself as a millionaire even if you just lost your job and are scrounging to get by. Again, some people may be able to do this successfully and if so, go for it. But, if that much of a leap feels uncomfortable for you, thinking those thoughts are counterproductive because your feelings will still be at the level of ‘’I have no money and I am in a complete panic, how the hell will I ever be a millionaire?’’

The feelings you are probably having now and the feelings you need to authentically reflect that type of belief are REALLY far away from each other. You may be affirming over and over again that you can be a millionaire, but chances are your feelings are nowhere near the vibration of this thought. At this moment in time, it is unlikely that you truly believe this and it is how you feel that determines what you bring to you. Does your current circumstances mean you can never be rich? Of course not….some of the richest people in the world started off with less than nothing. But, you will improve your circumstances a lot faster if you reach for thoughts that you can actually buy into, such the belief that you will find a higher paying job or more abstract thoughts such as you will attract money from an unknown source or that the Universe will provide you what you need.

This does not illustrate lack of faith in the process or that you are only capable of going so far based on your current circumstances. It simply acknowledges that based on your current feelings, you may need to gradually work up to these grander aspirations so that you can formulate positive thoughts and beliefs that actually feel real to you, things you believe are possible. You need to think good thoughts that actually feel good to you because it is the feeling that plays the biggest role. So, reach for thoughts that make you feel better, that seem doable to you and as your level of faith and positive vibes grow, you will be able to work up to grander thoughts that have authentic belief and feeling behind them.


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Perfection is Not the Goal

Making a firm commitment to improve yourself is an admirable one. I cannot think of a better way to use our time. I think most of us, even if we are not fully aware of it, believe that we can become perfect people. People who are always happy; people who are never stressed out or anxious; people who never get angry; people who never have a negative thought; people who are perfect spiritual beings who never get bothered with the mundane issues of life and who float on a cloud of expanded consciousness and peace 24/7. Hey, maybe this is possible, but I am not so sure. I do not know if there is anyone in the world like this. Maybe those people who devote their lives to living in solitude in caves and forests.

I have no doubt that we can make some serious, life-altering changes, such as adopting more empowering beliefs , abandoning bad habits and behaviors and reducing the frequency of certain negative states. I do not think perfection should be the goal, because I do not know if it is achievable. I think one of the most important goals should be developing our awareness of what is going on with us, shifting perspective, consciously making better choices on how we respond to our thoughts, feelings and what is going on around us as well as how we use our time. You may want to work on eliminating anger or anxiety, but you will probably have some times when you do feel these things. That is okay, do not beat yourself up or think you are not making any progress. For me, one of the main cruxes of the whole personal development thing is how we view and handle these states because they are going to creep up.

Making peace with this was one of the most eye-opening things for me. I do not feel as guilty when I have a moment where I am being a person I do not want to be. The person I want to be is becoming more and more the norm, but I have let go of the idea that I am going to become this perfect being. If you allow yourself to do the same, the journey will be much more enjoyable.



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The Pain of Self-Examination Brings Great Rewards

None of us are perfect. We all have our flaws, bad habits and what not. Some of these things are not that detrimental to our overall well-being, while some of them are. They hold us back from living our true potential. They put us in bad situations over and over again. They cause conflict with the other people in our lives. They keep happiness and peace out of our grasp.

On a surface level, we are usually aware that we have some issues. Our natural tendency to avoid pain and uncomfortable situations, however, keeps many of us from really delving deep down and admitting certain truths to ourselves. It keeps us from thinking about the painful situations that may have served as the catalyst for some of our behaviors. But it is all lurking beneath the surface and it shows up in many ways. You may think you are destined to live with all these problems, but you are not. They are things of the mental realm, which can be molded and changed.

Finding the courage to face our deepest fears, flaws, and insecurities is one of the most liberating things you will ever do, but it can also be one of the hardest. It can be intense, but the beauty is, once you allow yourself to do this process, you can purge yourself of all the junk that you have been carrying around your whole life. You will develop a greater awareness of your behaviors and thought patterns and engage in conscious efforts to change them.

You may not change overnight, but this process of looking within is the first step. It is uncomfortable, but it puts you on the road to true change. It will give you clarity and help you figure out who you are and what you want. You will start conquering the things that have been standing in the way of living the life you desire and deserve.

People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life,


Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here

You Are Not Your Thoughts and Feelings

All day long we think things and we feel things detrimental to our happiness and overall sense of well-being. These thoughts and feelings stem from issues going on in our lives or the myriad experiences and people we encounter every day. They fluctuate rapidly throughout the day, even through the course of an hour.

Often times, we can get consumed by them and these negative thoughts and feelings snowball and become more powerful and overwhelming. Our minds start racing. Sometimes we start envisioning all of these unwanted scenarios and though they are just in our imagination, our emotional reaction is as strong as if it were really happening in the moment. All of this can be paralyzing.

In an ideal world, we could find a way to completely rid ourselves of negative thoughts and feelings. Maybe it is possible, but I suspect that most of us will continue to grapple with this. If we cannot completely eliminate them, the goal then becomes reducing these negative thoughts and feelings as much as possible as well as squashing the power they have over us in the moment.

A key to winning this battle is realizing that you are not your thoughts and feelings, they are just temporary states that arise and pass away. You need to create that space between your consciousness and the thoughts and feelings. It is in this space that you can observe what is going on in your mind and body without getting all caught up in it. It is like being a third-party observer.

in order to do this, you need to get off auto-pilot and start building awareness of how you think and how you feel throughout the day. Check in with yourself. Pay more attention as negative thoughts and feelings start to manifest themselves.

One of the best ways to fully realize the separation is stillness and quiet, whether that involves formally meditating or just sitting in silence. In these moments, you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings because you are not doing the things we normally do to avoid paying attention to them. Observe without judgment. Remind yourself that these entities are not you, they are just something you are experiencing. This awareness takes away their power and reduces their intensity. When you do this regularly, this enhanced sense of awareness will be with you always, not just in the moments officially devoted to enhancing it.



People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life,


Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here

Instead of Asking Why, Ask Why Not

We often get questioned by others or question ourselves about why we want to do the things we do. This questioning can be helpful sometimes, but sometimes it can hold us back. We may not really have a ‘’good’’ reason to do the things we want to do and that makes us not want to do them. We may think it is stupid or silly. We start to doubt ourselves. Then we decide not to do these things even though we want to.

I have done many things in life without any particular reason for why I wanted to do them. I guess I really did not have a specific reason, it was just something I wanted to do. People would ask me why. In most cases, the best answer I had was because I wanted to and there was no reason not to. That was good enough for me. Based on some people’s reactions, it was clear they thought this was an odd response. I found their response to my response odd.

The next time you find yourself contemplating taking a certain action and you are feeling resistant to it for some reason, instead of asking why you would or should do this thing, ask why not? You may not be able to think of a solid, concrete reason why you should do it, but if you cannot think of a reason not to and it is something that piques your interest, proceed!

Life is too short for the incessant questioning we often put ourselves through. If you get an urge to do something, just do it. Instead of asking why, ask why not.



People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life,


Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here

Taking Responsibility for Our Lives

We all have our ideal visions of our perfect life and what would make us most happy. Unfortunately for many of us, these visions remain in the realm of fantasy and we regard it with the "wouldn't it be nice" type thinking. It is completely possible to live your life as you desire. The first step in reaching this goal is taking complete responsibility for your life and where you are at this moment in time. This is the only way you will empower yourself to take responsibility for your future. Owning the role you have played in creating your current circumstances might be a hard pill to swallow and you will resist it, but as you get deeper and deeper into your examination, you will see that in most instances, your own choices are at the crux of your problems. Sure, sometimes things are thrust upon us and really shake things up in our lives, things we did not anticipate or things outside of our control, but we always have the choice on how to view the situation and how to handle it. People who have had the most horrific things happen to them go on to do amazing things and live amazing lives and if they can do it, you can too.

The idea of personal responsibility is not a popular one. We do not like to think we have played any part in the negative things in our lives but for the most part, we are fully responsible. This does not mean you deserved to have these things happen to you but you must admit you brought them on in some way. If you hate your job and your boss but you choose to stay because you believe you do not have any other options or you are too afraid to do what you really want, you are responsible for the resulting unhappiness and frustration. This does not mean you deserve to be unhappy but you are causing it, not your boss. If you are too afraid to leave your bad marriage because you are financially dependent on your husband and he walks out on you one day leaving you with nothing, you have to take responsibility for not choosing to find a way to make your own money.

Again, it does not mean you deserve bad things or unhappiness because you played a role in bringing them about. This is an important distinction to make because people get very offended by the idea that they are responsible for the bad things based on their choices because they equate responsibility with deserving the bad result. It's like the smoker who gets lung cancer; he definitely brought that one on, but he does not deserve a deadly disease because of poor lifestyle choices.

You must realize the power you have in shaping the course of your life, and more importantly, you must decide to use it. We live so much of our lives thinking we do not have a choice. Yes, you do need money to support your family or pay your bills but this does not mean you have to do something you hate. We blame other people for our problems. If your boyfriend is a complete loser who is sponging off you, he is not to blame for your financial issues, you are for choosing to stay in the relationship with him. Everything we do is by choice and we are so ingrained to surrender our personal power to things outside of ourselves, we do not even realize the huge part we are playing in our own problems. We think we have to do certain things and that we do not have a choice but this is not true. The reality is, the other options often require sacrifice and great change and we do not want to be bothered or we are scared, so we convince ourselves these other options are really not options at all. Taking complete responsibility for our lives and really using the power of choice can be scary and uncomfortable at first, but if you want to improve your life, you need to own up to your part in all the things that have happened to you, good and bad. Some of the choices you need to make may be the hardest things you ever have to do, but if they are viable options to improve your life and you choose not to pursue them because of the difficulty they pose, that is all on you.

We love to give excuses as to why we cannot make certain choices but the excuses are the choices. You need to realize that you are the only thing holding you back. If you continue with the excuses and blaming outside circumstances, there is no way you will ever get what you want because you will always be depending on everything but yourself to get it. Only you can change your path and it all starts by acknowledging the part you are playing in all of it.


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