Friday, May 18, 2012
Owning Our Choices When We Would Rather Make A Different One
Often times, we do things that we really do not want to do. On some level, we know we do not have to ,but we do them anyway --generally with the thought that we really do not have a choice. We deal with the circumstances, all the while thinking we do not have other options, that we must just put up with what is happening even though we do not like it.
In most cases, we are probably doing this because doing what we really want involves some level of discomfort on our part and lord knows we try to avoid uncomfortable situations at any cost. The thought of offending someone, hurting someone’s feelings, being honest about something we would rather not have people know, causing conflict or having other people think badly about us probably makes our stomachs flip a bit so we put ourselves in situations that we would rather not be in because the alternative of speaking up is just too unpleasant. Then we complain and get angry when we have to deal with these things.
Maybe it is the chatty co-worker who interferes with getting your work done, the neighbor who constantly asks you for favors without ever reciprocating, the mother who guilts you into participating in every event in your childrens’ school and you say yes every time, going to an event you really do not want to go to, the friend who you really do not want to be friends with anymore.…you get the point. I think we have all had the experience of dealing with situations we would rather not simply because the idea of being honest with other people is just too hard a pill to swallow.
If we believe that not speaking up and begrudgingly doing the things we do not want to do is the better option, the one that will cause less grief or strife, then that is fine. Sometimes, it may very well be. But in these circumstances, we have to own that we are making this choice. We have to admit that we are forgoing the other options and that we are choosing this course of action, even if it makes us less happy.
We need to quit complaining and placing the blame outside of ourselves. By owning these choices, it will make it a lot easier to deal with the circumstances we are placing ourselves in. When we own these choices, we will feel less angry at the other people because we will realize how we feel is no fault of theirs, it is our fault because we are the one making the decision to deal with the situation in the way that we are. No one is making us do anything, we are consciously choosing.