The post was inspired by some things that I have been thinking a lot about lately and things I have come across on the world wide web as of late. We all make major choices regarding how we live our lives. These choices can be influenced by myriad things including our personal beliefs, friends, family,etcetera. One of the most telling things about how we feel about our own choices in life is how we react to the choices of others, how we compare our lives to someone else's. A lot of us harbor a lot of negative emotions regarding the choices we have made, whether we are unhappy with them and feel that we did not have any other options or we are happy with our choices but harbor some insecurity about them because they are often judged and criticized by others.
Is the only way you can feel good about the choices you have made is to bash the choices of others and believe that you are happier or better and made the better decision? Do you constantly have to seek out accounts of how those who made an opposite choice than you are unhappy in some way because of this choice? One arena where I see this behavior frequently is in matters of parents versus people who have chosen not to have children. I think some parents are not so thrilled with their parenting experience and to quell that, they try to come up with all of the ways that people without children are inferior -- they conclude we are selfish and immature and are missing out on the pinnacle of adult experience. Some people who do not have children feel heavily criticized and get defensive and they are constantly seeking out accounts of unhappy parents and concluding all of the reasons why having children sucks and how parents feel trapped and unhappy.
Anytime we are doing this, it indicates some part of us is maybe not so confident we made the better choice or that we have a lot of insecurity surrounding our choice. It does not necessarily mean that you actually did make the ''wrong'' decision, as many matters in life are not matters of right or wrong, but matters of preference. You may know you are making the right decision for you, but you have not developed full confidence.
In some instances, you may actually be unhappy with your choice, but maybe it is irreversible so you cannot bring yourself to admit this. Maybe you made this choice based on what other people told you was right or said that you should want. This makes you feel a bit unsettled when you see people living out the life you may have wanted, but instead of fully admitting that to yourself, you bash this person and try to convince yourself that your decision was the better one.
Regardless of what prompts this behavior, it is something you should examine to bring a greater sense of peace to your life, whether this involves learning to gain confidence in your choice and not caring what other people think, or admitting your dissatisfaction with your current choices and working to change them, thereby molding the life you truly want.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Why You Need to Daydream More
Daydreaming gets a bad rap. People think it is a waste of time. You need to get back to reality and stop living in your head and thinking about things that are never going to happen. You need to take action and stop living in a fantasy world.
Considering everything starts in the mind first, you probably need to be daydreaming more if you have yet to manifest the things you want in your life. Sure, there may be moments where it is inappropriate and you should be paying attention to the tasks in the physical world, but overall, playing out your ideal life in your head as much as you can is one of the most important steps in making these things part of your reality.
Thinking very specifically about things you want to happen, things you want to be, things you want to do create the type of energy that will manifest them in your life, make them real. When you are having a pretend interview about your recently published book, a pretend conversation with a high paying client in your new, ultra-successful business, or taking a pretend walk around your dream house, you are actually helping bring these things to you. We are conditioned to think everything on the outside determines what happens in our lives, but it is the exact opposite. Everything happens in the mind first and the first step is visualizing very specific things and charging these thoughts with positive emotions. These visualizations set off an inexplicable chain of events that defy logic, a chain of events that ends in you getting these things.
Of course, you will need to take certain actions. You can visualize all day long about becoming a best-selling author, but you will not get very far if you do not write the book. But, when you are working in this manner and feeling good, you will be working with inspired action that takes less effort, yet gets you similar results. You will feel inspired to do certain things and these actions will result in moving you further along towards reaching your goal.
Our mind is the source of what we create in our life and we need to fill it with specific images and emotions. Daydreaming is far from being a waste of time, in fact it is the exact opposite. It is an absolutely necessary requirement.
Considering everything starts in the mind first, you probably need to be daydreaming more if you have yet to manifest the things you want in your life. Sure, there may be moments where it is inappropriate and you should be paying attention to the tasks in the physical world, but overall, playing out your ideal life in your head as much as you can is one of the most important steps in making these things part of your reality.
Thinking very specifically about things you want to happen, things you want to be, things you want to do create the type of energy that will manifest them in your life, make them real. When you are having a pretend interview about your recently published book, a pretend conversation with a high paying client in your new, ultra-successful business, or taking a pretend walk around your dream house, you are actually helping bring these things to you. We are conditioned to think everything on the outside determines what happens in our lives, but it is the exact opposite. Everything happens in the mind first and the first step is visualizing very specific things and charging these thoughts with positive emotions. These visualizations set off an inexplicable chain of events that defy logic, a chain of events that ends in you getting these things.
Of course, you will need to take certain actions. You can visualize all day long about becoming a best-selling author, but you will not get very far if you do not write the book. But, when you are working in this manner and feeling good, you will be working with inspired action that takes less effort, yet gets you similar results. You will feel inspired to do certain things and these actions will result in moving you further along towards reaching your goal.
Our mind is the source of what we create in our life and we need to fill it with specific images and emotions. Daydreaming is far from being a waste of time, in fact it is the exact opposite. It is an absolutely necessary requirement.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Embracing Change
The only constant in life is change. This is one of those obvious things that we realize and experience on a continuous basis, but fail to internalize and accept. We resist it. We waste time wishing the changes had not occurred. We suffer. In the last few years, my life has undergone some extreme changes. Some I consciously chose and implemented on my own, while others were brought about by outside circumstances that were less than pleasant. But, these things happened and it was up to me to decide whether I was going to use these experiences as a catalyst for improvement or fall at their mercy and use them as an excuse to be unhappy, lazy or withdraw from life.
Perspective is everything. We always have a choice on how to view the things that happen to us. If you are facing a situation where change was thrust upon you without your consent, make an effort to view it in a different light. You may not be able to do this every second, you are only human after all. But, at least try as best you can. Instead of focusing on the negative things that may have resulted from this change, try to think of some good things that can come out of it. Maybe a relationship just ended, but it was the only thing keeping you in a town you hated; you now have the opportunity to live somewhere you have always wanted to. Maybe you lost your job, but you hated it and this change finally pushed you into doing something you had been putting off, like going back to school or entering a new line of work.
At first glance, you may think that nothing good can come out of the situation, but I assure you that there is at least one thing. You may feel entitled to be upset about the situation and you allow yourself to wallow in all these negative emotions. Sure, it may be understandable to be upset about certain things, but constantly holding onto these feelings simply because you feel it is your right to rather than making an effort to reduce them is a waste of time and energy and you will only prolong your suffering.
It may sound overly simple, but learning to accept the impermanence of everything can reduce our emotional reaction to the changes that occur in our life. You may still feel upset, you may still feel fearful, but reducing your attachment to things that are no longer, will serve you in moving forward in your life and making decisions that will increase your happiness. These negative reactions to change will lose their power.
Perspective is everything. We always have a choice on how to view the things that happen to us. If you are facing a situation where change was thrust upon you without your consent, make an effort to view it in a different light. You may not be able to do this every second, you are only human after all. But, at least try as best you can. Instead of focusing on the negative things that may have resulted from this change, try to think of some good things that can come out of it. Maybe a relationship just ended, but it was the only thing keeping you in a town you hated; you now have the opportunity to live somewhere you have always wanted to. Maybe you lost your job, but you hated it and this change finally pushed you into doing something you had been putting off, like going back to school or entering a new line of work.
At first glance, you may think that nothing good can come out of the situation, but I assure you that there is at least one thing. You may feel entitled to be upset about the situation and you allow yourself to wallow in all these negative emotions. Sure, it may be understandable to be upset about certain things, but constantly holding onto these feelings simply because you feel it is your right to rather than making an effort to reduce them is a waste of time and energy and you will only prolong your suffering.
It may sound overly simple, but learning to accept the impermanence of everything can reduce our emotional reaction to the changes that occur in our life. You may still feel upset, you may still feel fearful, but reducing your attachment to things that are no longer, will serve you in moving forward in your life and making decisions that will increase your happiness. These negative reactions to change will lose their power.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Happiness is an Inside Job
Who does not want to be happy? Even people who truly believe we cannot be happy probably still want to be. The burning question is “What makes us happy?’’ I do not think there are any simple answers, but my own quest for this much sought-after emotional state has given me some insight. I have discovered that happiness is an inside job. It can only come from within, and nothing outside of us, including our relationships, can ensure it. This is one of those things that may seem obvious, but most of us have not fully internalized this. We know it, but this truth does not fully permeate our consciousness.
Nothing outside of us can ever truly bring us happiness. Material things like houses, cars, clothes and what not may bring a temporary boost when we initially acquire them. Having a house to live in or a car to get you around are things to surely be grateful for, but having a super nice house or a super nice car will not actually produce happiness. Searching for happiness through this route will always have you coming up short because it will create a constant sense of wanting that you will never be able to satisfy – kind of like a bottomless pit.
When it comes to the relationships in our lives, they may take us a bit farther in our search for happiness, but even they are not enough, though it is easy to see why we think they might be. I have no doubt that romantic partners, friends and family contributes to our well-being. We are social creatures that thrive on interaction with others and not having people to connect with can surely affect us. The end of a relationship for example, can be devastating and the emotional response makes it feel like a romantic partner is a necessary ingredient for a happy life. But again, while relationships affect our emotional state, they alone will not make you happy.
How many stories have you heard about the person with the perfect spouse, children, house and job who ‘’just was not happy?’’ They have all these great things, they should be happy right? Not necessarily. Maybe her spouse looked good on paper and seemed like the ideal person to marry, but she really does not love him. Sure, his kids are smart and have all these accomplishments, but if he is not achieving anything in his own life to be proud of, those good feelings for his children will only take him so far . The job is everything a person should want – fancy title and good pay, but he may have zero passion for it.
True happiness comes from deep self-examination that allows you to discover your values and true desires. This discovery will put you on the path to living an authentic life that reflects the real you and this is where happiness grows. If you are truly seeking to be a happier person, start looking within yourself, not outside of it.
Nothing outside of us can ever truly bring us happiness. Material things like houses, cars, clothes and what not may bring a temporary boost when we initially acquire them. Having a house to live in or a car to get you around are things to surely be grateful for, but having a super nice house or a super nice car will not actually produce happiness. Searching for happiness through this route will always have you coming up short because it will create a constant sense of wanting that you will never be able to satisfy – kind of like a bottomless pit.
When it comes to the relationships in our lives, they may take us a bit farther in our search for happiness, but even they are not enough, though it is easy to see why we think they might be. I have no doubt that romantic partners, friends and family contributes to our well-being. We are social creatures that thrive on interaction with others and not having people to connect with can surely affect us. The end of a relationship for example, can be devastating and the emotional response makes it feel like a romantic partner is a necessary ingredient for a happy life. But again, while relationships affect our emotional state, they alone will not make you happy.
How many stories have you heard about the person with the perfect spouse, children, house and job who ‘’just was not happy?’’ They have all these great things, they should be happy right? Not necessarily. Maybe her spouse looked good on paper and seemed like the ideal person to marry, but she really does not love him. Sure, his kids are smart and have all these accomplishments, but if he is not achieving anything in his own life to be proud of, those good feelings for his children will only take him so far . The job is everything a person should want – fancy title and good pay, but he may have zero passion for it.
True happiness comes from deep self-examination that allows you to discover your values and true desires. This discovery will put you on the path to living an authentic life that reflects the real you and this is where happiness grows. If you are truly seeking to be a happier person, start looking within yourself, not outside of it.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Are Your Relationships Keeping You From Becoming Your Best Self?
When we truly put effort into improving ourselves and making positive changes in our lives, how we are currently living is bound to change in at least one, and most likely, several ways. Sometimes, these changes are a natural byproduct of our efforts and sometimes, we need to specifically make certain changes to support our newly outlined goals and desires. One area that is likely to be affected for many of us is our relationships, whether they be with our friends, family, co-workers or romantic partners. The changes that can occur here can certainly be scary and uncomfortable and for many, they can be a major impediment to becoming our best selves and truly shaping our life as we want it to be. The people we surround ourselves with are a major influence on our behavior, beliefs and ways of thinking, for better or for worse.
Once you embark on the journey of bettering yourself and making positive changes in your life, it may become glaringly obvious that some of the relationships you have in your life will not help you on this journey, but hold you back. If you are working on becoming a different person, you need to be prepared for the fact that you may outgrow some of your current relationships now or in some cases need to make a firm decision to cut off ties with certain people who will derail your efforts. This is not to say that you should cut off everyone who thinks differently than you or does not share your same goals and outlook on life. I maintain relationships with plenty of people who view the world differently than I do and it is not a problem. I am talking about the relationships that bring out the worst in you rather than the best, the relationships that drain your energy, the relationships that get you off track with your efforts to better yourself and cause you to spend your time unwisely, the relationships that keep you stuck in a place you no longer want to be.
If the only tie you have to a certain friend is your love of getting black-out drunk on the weekend and you decide you no longer want to drink alcohol, you will likely need to move away from this person if that is the only thing you have in common. If the only connection you have to certain co-workers is gossiping about other people in the office and bitching about your job, and you are making an effort to reduce negative talk, you will need to do something about that. If you decide that you are going to turn your life around, go back to school and pursue your dream job, and your boyfriend is content to keep living the life you can no longer stand, this relationship is no longer working for you.
These types of changes can be scary. Some of the worst influences in your life may be the people who have been in it the longest. In some instances, you will be able to maintain relationships with some of these people and it will not impact you too heavily. In some cases, these relationships will undergo major changes or need to end altogether. When it comes down to it, only you can determine what needs to be done. You need to take a hard honest look at the different relationships in your life, how they make you feel, how they make you act, how they influence your efforts at changing your circumstances. It may sadden you to think of these types of changes and that is natural. But change is the only constant in our life and no aspect of our existence is immune to this influence, including our relationships.
Once you embark on the journey of bettering yourself and making positive changes in your life, it may become glaringly obvious that some of the relationships you have in your life will not help you on this journey, but hold you back. If you are working on becoming a different person, you need to be prepared for the fact that you may outgrow some of your current relationships now or in some cases need to make a firm decision to cut off ties with certain people who will derail your efforts. This is not to say that you should cut off everyone who thinks differently than you or does not share your same goals and outlook on life. I maintain relationships with plenty of people who view the world differently than I do and it is not a problem. I am talking about the relationships that bring out the worst in you rather than the best, the relationships that drain your energy, the relationships that get you off track with your efforts to better yourself and cause you to spend your time unwisely, the relationships that keep you stuck in a place you no longer want to be.
If the only tie you have to a certain friend is your love of getting black-out drunk on the weekend and you decide you no longer want to drink alcohol, you will likely need to move away from this person if that is the only thing you have in common. If the only connection you have to certain co-workers is gossiping about other people in the office and bitching about your job, and you are making an effort to reduce negative talk, you will need to do something about that. If you decide that you are going to turn your life around, go back to school and pursue your dream job, and your boyfriend is content to keep living the life you can no longer stand, this relationship is no longer working for you.
These types of changes can be scary. Some of the worst influences in your life may be the people who have been in it the longest. In some instances, you will be able to maintain relationships with some of these people and it will not impact you too heavily. In some cases, these relationships will undergo major changes or need to end altogether. When it comes down to it, only you can determine what needs to be done. You need to take a hard honest look at the different relationships in your life, how they make you feel, how they make you act, how they influence your efforts at changing your circumstances. It may sadden you to think of these types of changes and that is natural. But change is the only constant in our life and no aspect of our existence is immune to this influence, including our relationships.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Your Choices, Not Your Conditions, Determine the Quality of Your Life
No matter what crappy circumstances you are dealing with now or have dealt with in the past, they do not have to define you and determine the quality of your life. Far too often, however, people let them do just that. Making a conscious choice to create the life we want for ourselves is always an option, without exception. I am not arguing that these choices may not be some of the most difficult things you have to do, they very well may be. But, they are still on the table as options and if you choose not to pursue these paths to a better life, you cannot blame anyone but yourself for the current conditions of your life.
Lots of crappy things can happen in our lives...whether there is a rhyme or reason to these events is a matter of debate. Regardless, they happen and it is up to us to decide whether they will destroy us or serve as an impetus to improve ourselves and our lives. Sure, these things can seem unfair and it is easy to get all caught up in a pity party for ourselves, blaming all these outside circumstances for why our lives are the way they are and why we are unhappy.
Sure, it sucks if you grew up with crappy parents; all kids deserve a good family to raise them. But, if you are an adult still blaming your less than ideal childhood for all of your problems now, that is all on you. Plenty of people with horrific childhoods go on to achieve amazing things in all walks of life. If you are struggling financially, it can be quite the stressor and it is common to blame all sorts of outside circumstances, such as the economy, government, your race and a million other external factors, but your ability to improve your financial circumstances lies within you, no matter what your life looks like on the outside. Some of the wealthiest people in the world were once poorer than poor and they come in all different shapes, sizes and colors. How many parents have lost their children in horrible ways and channeled that pain into helping others in similar circumstances through organizations, charities and other means and found purpose in their life? Again, it is our choices, not the conditions, that determine what we make of our lives.
My boyfriend knows someone who has a condition that causes almost constant pain and myriad other health issues. He can no longer work outside the home. This situation sounds pretty bleak and it sucks that he has to go through that, but he is making the best of it. He makes money with some online ventures and runs a weekly radio show where he interviews people in the field of personal development. He has made it his mission to inspire other disabled people, to show them that their disabilities do not have to define them and limit their options in life. He is beyond inspiring and his attitude is beyond admirable.
The power of choice can transform our lives and far too many people fail to use it. Many perpetuate their misery by falsely believing that outside circumstances are the ruling factor in our lives. Others are fully aware of the power of choice and simply choose not to exercise it. You can make your life into whatever you want it to be; it may be hard at times, but it is possible. It is all up to you and the choices you make.
Lots of crappy things can happen in our lives...whether there is a rhyme or reason to these events is a matter of debate. Regardless, they happen and it is up to us to decide whether they will destroy us or serve as an impetus to improve ourselves and our lives. Sure, these things can seem unfair and it is easy to get all caught up in a pity party for ourselves, blaming all these outside circumstances for why our lives are the way they are and why we are unhappy.
Sure, it sucks if you grew up with crappy parents; all kids deserve a good family to raise them. But, if you are an adult still blaming your less than ideal childhood for all of your problems now, that is all on you. Plenty of people with horrific childhoods go on to achieve amazing things in all walks of life. If you are struggling financially, it can be quite the stressor and it is common to blame all sorts of outside circumstances, such as the economy, government, your race and a million other external factors, but your ability to improve your financial circumstances lies within you, no matter what your life looks like on the outside. Some of the wealthiest people in the world were once poorer than poor and they come in all different shapes, sizes and colors. How many parents have lost their children in horrible ways and channeled that pain into helping others in similar circumstances through organizations, charities and other means and found purpose in their life? Again, it is our choices, not the conditions, that determine what we make of our lives.
My boyfriend knows someone who has a condition that causes almost constant pain and myriad other health issues. He can no longer work outside the home. This situation sounds pretty bleak and it sucks that he has to go through that, but he is making the best of it. He makes money with some online ventures and runs a weekly radio show where he interviews people in the field of personal development. He has made it his mission to inspire other disabled people, to show them that their disabilities do not have to define them and limit their options in life. He is beyond inspiring and his attitude is beyond admirable.
The power of choice can transform our lives and far too many people fail to use it. Many perpetuate their misery by falsely believing that outside circumstances are the ruling factor in our lives. Others are fully aware of the power of choice and simply choose not to exercise it. You can make your life into whatever you want it to be; it may be hard at times, but it is possible. It is all up to you and the choices you make.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Do You Like Your Life or Merely Tolerate It?
While I certainly do not think most people are living in sheer misery day to day, I do believe that too many people are not particularly enthralled with their current circumstances. They do not really like their life, but it is tolerable and for this reason, they really make no effort to change; they convince themselves things are good enough. Their job may be boring, but they can get through it without wanting to slit their wrists by the end of the day, so they deal with it. They are not really happy with their partner, but they can get through each day without wanting to kill the other person, so they stay in the relationship because it is comfortable and familiar.
I do not know about you, but I want to love my life, not just tolerate it. Sure, problems arise and we face challenges. We will never be able to place ourselves in some protective bubble. But we have the power to create whatever circumstances we desire for ourselves and overcome whatever challenges come our way. We are not destined to just accept whatever life throws at us and simply be thankful for mediocrity.
Be honest with yourself about your current life circumstances. Do you truly enjoy your life as it is now or is it just "good enough?" Do you think the fact that you are able to tolerate your current circumstances is all that you should strive for, all that you should expect? This is not to say that you should not be grateful for the things you may have now, such as a job that pays the bills and what not, but wouldn't you rather have a job you loved? Don't you want to live a life that truly makes you happy and not one that merely just helps you make it to the end of each day without wanting to run away and never come back? You should be loving your life, not just tolerating it.
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. It was the first material that actually moved me from just reading about all the ways to change my life to actually doing these things.
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
I do not know about you, but I want to love my life, not just tolerate it. Sure, problems arise and we face challenges. We will never be able to place ourselves in some protective bubble. But we have the power to create whatever circumstances we desire for ourselves and overcome whatever challenges come our way. We are not destined to just accept whatever life throws at us and simply be thankful for mediocrity.
Be honest with yourself about your current life circumstances. Do you truly enjoy your life as it is now or is it just "good enough?" Do you think the fact that you are able to tolerate your current circumstances is all that you should strive for, all that you should expect? This is not to say that you should not be grateful for the things you may have now, such as a job that pays the bills and what not, but wouldn't you rather have a job you loved? Don't you want to live a life that truly makes you happy and not one that merely just helps you make it to the end of each day without wanting to run away and never come back? You should be loving your life, not just tolerating it.
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. It was the first material that actually moved me from just reading about all the ways to change my life to actually doing these things.
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
Friday, November 11, 2011
Are You Living Your Life for Other People?
Other people can have quite an influence on our thoughts, beliefs and the way we live our lives. Sometimes, this is a good thing; they inspire us to become better people or follow our dreams, or they help us in some way. Sometimes, this influence is detrimental. They criticize and judge us. They impart their ideas of what is right and wrong, what is appropriate and inappropriate. In most cases, right or wrong is not even an issue, it is a matter of preference. This detrimental influence may come from a person very close to you and directly involved in your life or it may come from your society or culture at large. Based on my own personal observations, it amazes me the degree to which people make their decisions based on what other people think and their ideas about how we are supposed to live. When we do this, we are living our lives for other people, not ourselves.
It is never easy to face criticism for our choices, especially from people close to us, such as our parents or siblings. Most people love giving their opinion and will happily tell you why what you are doing is wrong, why it will never work and why you should do something else instead. Very strong declarations of right and wrong are made. If you are someone who is not fully confident in your choices, this criticism is extra hard to take because it creates a greater sense of doubt about whether what you are doing is a good idea or not. You think, "maybe they are right, maybe I am making a mistake and I should do what they are telling me to do?" "If everyone thinks this way, maybe I am the one that is wrong?" If the action in question is something unequivocally wrong, like selling drugs to kids, then yes, everyone else is right and you should not do that. If the action in question is something like deciding to give up your corporate job to follow a long-forgotten passion, choosing not to have kids because you do not think you have what it takes to be a good parent, or marrying someone outside your race or religion, then no, you are not "wrong" and they are not "right."
How many times in life have you made a decision based more on what other people wanted than what you wanted? How many times have you made decisions based on someone else's arbitrary declarations of what life is supposed to be like and what is appropriate and inappropriate? How many times have you abandoned an idea that felt so right and good because someone else's opinion deflated all of your enthusiasm and convinced you it was a "bad" idea? How has that worked out for you?
In a lot of ways, living our lives for other people may seem easier. We get approval from others and we shield ourselves from criticism. There is less tension in our relationships because we are not making any waves or doing anything that upsets people around us. We fit in with everyone else and we feel accepted. We are not accused of being "selfish"...God forbid we do anything that makes us happy! We may feel good because we are doing something that makes someone else happy and they are proud of us. This is all BS....sure, your life may be easier in some respects, but you will never be truly happy and is being unhappy a truly easier existence?
I remember reading on this one website, posts by people undecided about having children or who really did not think they wanted them and how some were thinking about doing it solely because they were tired of people always questioning them and making them feel badly. They thought it would be easier to just have kids and fit in. Really? It would be easier to take on a huge life-changing responsibility that you really have no desire to than face some uncomfortable questioning and criticisms from people who are just probably miserable in their own lives?
I know what it is like to face criticism for life choices, believe me. I know it is hard, frustrating and annoying. But, if you base your life on what other people want and what other people think is appropriate, your life will be much harder; you will constantly be dealing with the internal struggle of hating the life you are living now and desiring the life you truly want.You cannot escape yourself and your own thoughts and feelings. If you know what you want, go after it, regardless of how other people feel about your choices. If they were happy in their own lives, they would not care what you do. Their reactions are all about them.
It is never easy to face criticism for our choices, especially from people close to us, such as our parents or siblings. Most people love giving their opinion and will happily tell you why what you are doing is wrong, why it will never work and why you should do something else instead. Very strong declarations of right and wrong are made. If you are someone who is not fully confident in your choices, this criticism is extra hard to take because it creates a greater sense of doubt about whether what you are doing is a good idea or not. You think, "maybe they are right, maybe I am making a mistake and I should do what they are telling me to do?" "If everyone thinks this way, maybe I am the one that is wrong?" If the action in question is something unequivocally wrong, like selling drugs to kids, then yes, everyone else is right and you should not do that. If the action in question is something like deciding to give up your corporate job to follow a long-forgotten passion, choosing not to have kids because you do not think you have what it takes to be a good parent, or marrying someone outside your race or religion, then no, you are not "wrong" and they are not "right."
How many times in life have you made a decision based more on what other people wanted than what you wanted? How many times have you made decisions based on someone else's arbitrary declarations of what life is supposed to be like and what is appropriate and inappropriate? How many times have you abandoned an idea that felt so right and good because someone else's opinion deflated all of your enthusiasm and convinced you it was a "bad" idea? How has that worked out for you?
In a lot of ways, living our lives for other people may seem easier. We get approval from others and we shield ourselves from criticism. There is less tension in our relationships because we are not making any waves or doing anything that upsets people around us. We fit in with everyone else and we feel accepted. We are not accused of being "selfish"...God forbid we do anything that makes us happy! We may feel good because we are doing something that makes someone else happy and they are proud of us. This is all BS....sure, your life may be easier in some respects, but you will never be truly happy and is being unhappy a truly easier existence?
I remember reading on this one website, posts by people undecided about having children or who really did not think they wanted them and how some were thinking about doing it solely because they were tired of people always questioning them and making them feel badly. They thought it would be easier to just have kids and fit in. Really? It would be easier to take on a huge life-changing responsibility that you really have no desire to than face some uncomfortable questioning and criticisms from people who are just probably miserable in their own lives?
I know what it is like to face criticism for life choices, believe me. I know it is hard, frustrating and annoying. But, if you base your life on what other people want and what other people think is appropriate, your life will be much harder; you will constantly be dealing with the internal struggle of hating the life you are living now and desiring the life you truly want.You cannot escape yourself and your own thoughts and feelings. If you know what you want, go after it, regardless of how other people feel about your choices. If they were happy in their own lives, they would not care what you do. Their reactions are all about them.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sitting With Your Sh*tty Feelings
Unless you are someone like the Buddha, you are probably going to have your moments of anger, frustration, anxiety and the like. I know I sure do. Most of the time, I am pretty good about shifting my perspective pretty quickly. I may not move to Mary Sunshine fully, but the negative emotions lessen pretty drastically. Yesterday was one of those days when I was in a pretty foul mood most of the day, something that really does not happen that often anymore. I will not go into the details of why I was feeling this way, but it was pretty intense. The fact that I was mad at myself for feeling this way only made it worse.
In these moments, it is so tempting to do something to take our minds off of it, like watch television or wander aimlessly around cyberspace. As crappy as I was feeling yesterday, though, I really made an effort to sit with these feelings and just feel them, analyze them. I did not turn on the television. I will admit I did go on the computer for a bit, but mainly because there was something I had to get done by a certain time. Most of the time, though, I just sat. Boy, was that uncomfortable. It makes you just want to jump out of your skin or run around screaming like a crazy person!
But, you know what happens when you make this effort to sit with these less than desirable feelings? You dissect them. You figure out what is causing them and where they are coming from. This analysis can surely be uncomfortable as it may force us to think about things we push down or put us face to face with our shortcomings and things we need to work on in ourselves. My experience yesterday made it glaringly obvious that certain blocks and negative programming have not been fully rooted out yet and that I still need to work on some things. Every time we make this effort to sit with these feelings, we expand our consciousness a bit more. We may not change overnight, but the awareness expands every time and the more the awareness expands, the closer we come to fully adopting better ways of thinking and being because we catch the feelings more quickly, rather than letting them flow through our consciousness like a raging river. Once we get better at catching them, we get better at shifting them.
The next time you are feeling a bit foul, I challenge you to sit with these feelings, no matter how uncomfortable. Question them, analyze them. Figure out what their root is. What is making you feel this way? What role are you playing in perpetuating these negative feelings? This work is surely uncomfortable, no doubt about that. But if the outcome is a lighter, happier you, is it not worth it?
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. It was the first material that actually moved me from just reading about all the ways to change my life to actually doing these things.
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
In these moments, it is so tempting to do something to take our minds off of it, like watch television or wander aimlessly around cyberspace. As crappy as I was feeling yesterday, though, I really made an effort to sit with these feelings and just feel them, analyze them. I did not turn on the television. I will admit I did go on the computer for a bit, but mainly because there was something I had to get done by a certain time. Most of the time, though, I just sat. Boy, was that uncomfortable. It makes you just want to jump out of your skin or run around screaming like a crazy person!
But, you know what happens when you make this effort to sit with these less than desirable feelings? You dissect them. You figure out what is causing them and where they are coming from. This analysis can surely be uncomfortable as it may force us to think about things we push down or put us face to face with our shortcomings and things we need to work on in ourselves. My experience yesterday made it glaringly obvious that certain blocks and negative programming have not been fully rooted out yet and that I still need to work on some things. Every time we make this effort to sit with these feelings, we expand our consciousness a bit more. We may not change overnight, but the awareness expands every time and the more the awareness expands, the closer we come to fully adopting better ways of thinking and being because we catch the feelings more quickly, rather than letting them flow through our consciousness like a raging river. Once we get better at catching them, we get better at shifting them.
The next time you are feeling a bit foul, I challenge you to sit with these feelings, no matter how uncomfortable. Question them, analyze them. Figure out what their root is. What is making you feel this way? What role are you playing in perpetuating these negative feelings? This work is surely uncomfortable, no doubt about that. But if the outcome is a lighter, happier you, is it not worth it?
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. It was the first material that actually moved me from just reading about all the ways to change my life to actually doing these things.
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Getting What You Want Requires Feeling Good NOW!
The idea that how we feel and think determines the things that happen in our lives is something that naturally raises some skepticism. I know it did for me when I first started reading about law of attraction and things of that nature. I know people love to jump all over LOA stuff and start talking about things like, well, does that mean kids attract cancer and abusive parents or people attract murder or illness? Honestly, I do not know. Does it explain everything that happens in our lives? I do not know. The mysteries of the Universe are complex. All that I know is that once I started putting serious focus on what I was thinking about and getting myself into certain emotional states, things changed for me, IN A BIG WAY.
How we are feeling at any given moment is a big key in this whole attracting process. Everything happens in the now and we only have this moment. How we are feeling now sets the stage for what is coming to us in the future. We need to feel good, high energy. We need to truly believe the things we want are coming to us and get excited about their eventual arrival. We need to foster a sense of trust that everything is taken care of. This is so, so hard for so many reasons and it is something I still struggle with at times. We are so accustomed to thinking logically and looking at the appearance of things on the outside. This way of thinking just seems so foreign to many; some may even think it borders on ridiculous. But, I promise you that if you rely on logical thinking and outside appearances to dictate your beliefs about what is possible in this world, you are limiting your life in so many ways and happiness will always elude you.
I know plenty of things can happen in life that can send us into panic mode and it understandable to feel fear and a whole bunch of other negative emotions. But, you have to realize that while it may be understandable, it does not make it the best course of action. We always have a choice on how to feel and how to view things. There have been some times in my life where these types of emotions and reactions would have been completely warranted, but I chose to feel good now, and think more about the things I wanted and less about the things I did not want to happen. It worked out pretty well for me so I am speaking from experience on this one; no matter what, try to feel good now. We cannot possibly know the million ways something we want may come to us or how a particular problem will resolve itself. Just know that it will happen and start feeling good about it NOW!
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
How we are feeling at any given moment is a big key in this whole attracting process. Everything happens in the now and we only have this moment. How we are feeling now sets the stage for what is coming to us in the future. We need to feel good, high energy. We need to truly believe the things we want are coming to us and get excited about their eventual arrival. We need to foster a sense of trust that everything is taken care of. This is so, so hard for so many reasons and it is something I still struggle with at times. We are so accustomed to thinking logically and looking at the appearance of things on the outside. This way of thinking just seems so foreign to many; some may even think it borders on ridiculous. But, I promise you that if you rely on logical thinking and outside appearances to dictate your beliefs about what is possible in this world, you are limiting your life in so many ways and happiness will always elude you.
I know plenty of things can happen in life that can send us into panic mode and it understandable to feel fear and a whole bunch of other negative emotions. But, you have to realize that while it may be understandable, it does not make it the best course of action. We always have a choice on how to feel and how to view things. There have been some times in my life where these types of emotions and reactions would have been completely warranted, but I chose to feel good now, and think more about the things I wanted and less about the things I did not want to happen. It worked out pretty well for me so I am speaking from experience on this one; no matter what, try to feel good now. We cannot possibly know the million ways something we want may come to us or how a particular problem will resolve itself. Just know that it will happen and start feeling good about it NOW!
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Do Not Get Lost in the Land of Possibilities
I know many times,I have experienced that wonderful feeling of excitement and relief when I was feeling stuck in my life and all of a sudden, I came across some new possibility,some new direction. It is a great feeling right? You get all excited thinking about how you can make a change and no longer be stuck in some situation you do not want now. This is a great space to be in. It is like a huge weight has been lifted and you literally feel lighter. You research and gather every piece of information about this new wonderful class, line of work, training program, place to live, whatever. It consumes you, and all the while, you are feeling great. You fantasize about the future and how wonderful it will be.
This is wonderful, because it is great to be excited about life and about making positive changes. But, you can also get stuck here, in the land of possibilities. At this point, the planning and pondering is all fun. You have not made any choices yet, any commitments. It is a safe space. Because you have not made any firm decisions yet, you are not experiencing doubts about whether you made the right choice or wondering if things will work out as you hope. You can get stuck in this space because even though you have not made any choices yet, you have committed to exploring them and you tell yourself that is a great first step, so what is the rush? This is not to say that you should not take some time to mull things over, that is usually a good idea. But, if most of us are honest with ourselves, we stretch out the mulling process out of fear of making a decision. Just thinking about the change gives us enough of an emotional boost to get through our current circumstances and we continue to delay making the choice.
Moving into the space of decision and action is surely scary and the high we got when the idea first struck will surely fade a bit as you have to contend with a bit more in this stage. But, you need to act fast. Delay too long and your dream life will continue to be just that, a dream. The farther and farther you get into your current life, the more likely it is you will view these completely doable changes as an impossibility. You will get swept away in what you do not and it will become harder and harder to do what you actually do want. The harder it becomes, the less likely you are to ever do it, because let's face it, most of us shy away from doing things that seem too hard, even if they make us happier. Stop pondering and start doing.
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
This is wonderful, because it is great to be excited about life and about making positive changes. But, you can also get stuck here, in the land of possibilities. At this point, the planning and pondering is all fun. You have not made any choices yet, any commitments. It is a safe space. Because you have not made any firm decisions yet, you are not experiencing doubts about whether you made the right choice or wondering if things will work out as you hope. You can get stuck in this space because even though you have not made any choices yet, you have committed to exploring them and you tell yourself that is a great first step, so what is the rush? This is not to say that you should not take some time to mull things over, that is usually a good idea. But, if most of us are honest with ourselves, we stretch out the mulling process out of fear of making a decision. Just thinking about the change gives us enough of an emotional boost to get through our current circumstances and we continue to delay making the choice.
Moving into the space of decision and action is surely scary and the high we got when the idea first struck will surely fade a bit as you have to contend with a bit more in this stage. But, you need to act fast. Delay too long and your dream life will continue to be just that, a dream. The farther and farther you get into your current life, the more likely it is you will view these completely doable changes as an impossibility. You will get swept away in what you do not and it will become harder and harder to do what you actually do want. The harder it becomes, the less likely you are to ever do it, because let's face it, most of us shy away from doing things that seem too hard, even if they make us happier. Stop pondering and start doing.
People often ask me what types of materials I have used to get where I am today and develop my mindset. Well, there have been a lot, but Bob Doyle's program was really the clincher for me. With no exaggeration, it literally changed my life
Learn more about the program that finally got my butt in gear: Click Here
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Accepting Things as They Are, Not As You Wish Them to Be
The title of this post came from a 10-day silent meditation retreat I have attended in the past to practice a form of Buddhist meditation called Vipassana. Every night, we would watch a taped discourse by the founder of the center. This phrase made its way into the talks many times and I really began to think about it. Again, this is one of those simple things that are far from easy to implement for most of us because of our poor conditioning and lack of control over our minds. Accepting things as they are, not as you wish them to be. It has profoundly changed my life and while I sometimes lose sight of this, I am getting better and better at keeping it in my awareness at all times.
When I talk about this concept, I am not talking about accepting the circumstances of your life and just continuing to live it as you have been even if you are unhappy. You can change the circumstances of your life with a firm decision to do so. I am not talking about accepting your negative personality traits that cause you constant problems and just saying, "That is how I am." You can cultivate whatever habits and personality traits you desire with some mental discipline and a commitment to change. I am talking about the situations that arise in our lives every day that we may not like, things that may happen that we alone cannot fully change or reverse.
How much do we suffer getting all upset about things that we simply cannot do anything about? Not only do we get upset at the situation, we get upset at being upset and we further our intensity of negative feelings. We think of all the ways we want the situation to be different and the more desirable outcomes,but it cannot be different, so simply accepting it as it is will do wonders for our mental health. Sure, we may still feel upset, angry, or frustrated, but that will dissipate. Accepting the situation as it is will also help remove or reduce that extra layer of negative emotion that arises from your aversion to the uncomfortable feelings you are experiencing.
Sure, it is natural to wish that your boyfriend never broke up with you, but he did and you must accept it. Spend your newly single time bettering your life in some way rather than spending all your time wishing you were still together, and maybe you will meet someone even better. It is frustrating as hell to be stuck in a traffic jam for hours, but you cannot magically move the cars and you are not going anywhere for awhile, so try to make better use of the time. It is scary to lose your job, but it is gone now and you are now forced to move in a new direction; sure, it is scary, but embrace it and you will come out better on the other side of this challenge. You may hate your mother-in-law and you dread her annual visit, but she will be at your house for the next two weeks; accept it and stop spending your time wishing she was not staying with you and thinking about all the other things you would be doing if she was not here.
Of course, it is natural for our minds to drift to what we wish was happening instead of what is actually happening when it is something bad. But, what will this accomplish? It will just prolong your suffering.
When I talk about this concept, I am not talking about accepting the circumstances of your life and just continuing to live it as you have been even if you are unhappy. You can change the circumstances of your life with a firm decision to do so. I am not talking about accepting your negative personality traits that cause you constant problems and just saying, "That is how I am." You can cultivate whatever habits and personality traits you desire with some mental discipline and a commitment to change. I am talking about the situations that arise in our lives every day that we may not like, things that may happen that we alone cannot fully change or reverse.
How much do we suffer getting all upset about things that we simply cannot do anything about? Not only do we get upset at the situation, we get upset at being upset and we further our intensity of negative feelings. We think of all the ways we want the situation to be different and the more desirable outcomes,but it cannot be different, so simply accepting it as it is will do wonders for our mental health. Sure, we may still feel upset, angry, or frustrated, but that will dissipate. Accepting the situation as it is will also help remove or reduce that extra layer of negative emotion that arises from your aversion to the uncomfortable feelings you are experiencing.
Sure, it is natural to wish that your boyfriend never broke up with you, but he did and you must accept it. Spend your newly single time bettering your life in some way rather than spending all your time wishing you were still together, and maybe you will meet someone even better. It is frustrating as hell to be stuck in a traffic jam for hours, but you cannot magically move the cars and you are not going anywhere for awhile, so try to make better use of the time. It is scary to lose your job, but it is gone now and you are now forced to move in a new direction; sure, it is scary, but embrace it and you will come out better on the other side of this challenge. You may hate your mother-in-law and you dread her annual visit, but she will be at your house for the next two weeks; accept it and stop spending your time wishing she was not staying with you and thinking about all the other things you would be doing if she was not here.
Of course, it is natural for our minds to drift to what we wish was happening instead of what is actually happening when it is something bad. But, what will this accomplish? It will just prolong your suffering.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Letting Your Ego Get the Best of You?
How many times has your ego gotten in the way of your happiness? How many times has it caused unnecessary anger, frustration or other negative emotions? Unless you are an extremely enlightened individual on the level of the Buddha, your ego probably gets in the way often, to some degree. I know it does for me, but I am getting better and better at managing this issue. This problem manifests itself in so many different situations, which means that if you do not gain better control, it will cause problems on a pretty consistent basis.
How many times have you created controversy or got yourself all riled up in a conversation by making some sort of statement you know would not be received well, but felt the need to say because it is how you feel about the topic at hand, and that you have just as much right to your opinion as everyone else? I have decided not to have children and I sometimes read a particular forum for childfree people. A lot of posts deal with people complaining how others react to their assertions of not wanting kids. Is it wrong to make this choice? No, but it is still seen as odd and it can lead to people saying insulting or condescending things.Ideally, when people declare they have made choices deemed unconventional, controversial, or whatever, it would not be an issue. But, in reality, it is most of the time. If you identify with this instance, I ask you what is more important; --reducing your aggravation by choosing not to comment on the topic, or saying what you think, because it is your right and getting all pissed off when people attack you or make you feel like your choice is wrong? What is more important, living a more peaceful life or feeling the need to express your opinion at every moment just because you can?
How many times have you continued to give someone the silent treatment or make him feel badly over slighting you in some way, long after you have gotten over the actual incident, simply because you feel the need to punish this person for hurting you, doing something to you? Ironically, we do it to make ourselves feel better because we feel the need to punish this person and make her feel bad, but when you are engaging in this behavior, it feels far from good, doesn't it? What are you really gaining when you act this way? Is making the other person feel bad worth you feeling bad at the same time?
How many times have you felt the need to argue a point and convince someone else that your point of view is correct? These types of discussions rarely result in any enlightenment, useful questioning of your own beliefs or respect for the other person's viewpoint. They usually just consist of two angry people spouting their opinions and making little to no effort to listen to what the other person is saying. So what is someone else shares a different opinion on some matter, who cares? How is it affecting your life?
Operating in this manner may seem counterintuitive or uncomfortable to some people. We take our right to say what we please very seriously and often times, it is to our detriment. If you truly want to create a greater sense of peace in your life, you need to seriously start giving thought to what you will gain when you exercise this right. Will it be anything positive that enhances your life in some way or will it just end in you feeling bad in some way?
How many times have you created controversy or got yourself all riled up in a conversation by making some sort of statement you know would not be received well, but felt the need to say because it is how you feel about the topic at hand, and that you have just as much right to your opinion as everyone else? I have decided not to have children and I sometimes read a particular forum for childfree people. A lot of posts deal with people complaining how others react to their assertions of not wanting kids. Is it wrong to make this choice? No, but it is still seen as odd and it can lead to people saying insulting or condescending things.Ideally, when people declare they have made choices deemed unconventional, controversial, or whatever, it would not be an issue. But, in reality, it is most of the time. If you identify with this instance, I ask you what is more important; --reducing your aggravation by choosing not to comment on the topic, or saying what you think, because it is your right and getting all pissed off when people attack you or make you feel like your choice is wrong? What is more important, living a more peaceful life or feeling the need to express your opinion at every moment just because you can?
How many times have you continued to give someone the silent treatment or make him feel badly over slighting you in some way, long after you have gotten over the actual incident, simply because you feel the need to punish this person for hurting you, doing something to you? Ironically, we do it to make ourselves feel better because we feel the need to punish this person and make her feel bad, but when you are engaging in this behavior, it feels far from good, doesn't it? What are you really gaining when you act this way? Is making the other person feel bad worth you feeling bad at the same time?
How many times have you felt the need to argue a point and convince someone else that your point of view is correct? These types of discussions rarely result in any enlightenment, useful questioning of your own beliefs or respect for the other person's viewpoint. They usually just consist of two angry people spouting their opinions and making little to no effort to listen to what the other person is saying. So what is someone else shares a different opinion on some matter, who cares? How is it affecting your life?
Operating in this manner may seem counterintuitive or uncomfortable to some people. We take our right to say what we please very seriously and often times, it is to our detriment. If you truly want to create a greater sense of peace in your life, you need to seriously start giving thought to what you will gain when you exercise this right. Will it be anything positive that enhances your life in some way or will it just end in you feeling bad in some way?
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